To Sugar Nut

Submitted by Zella (United States), Jun 1, 2008 at 18:14

How nice of you to respond ,and I might add in such a warm manner. Let me just say that I am quite familiar with the religion (Islam) and the culture. I think it is very difficult for western women to understand that Islam and culture are one in the same. The western world separates culture from religion.

When your friend says "age is a number" and then goes on to say that Muhammad was 15 years younger than his first wife, Khadija, he is trying to justify whatever it is that he is trying to snare. If you were to go live with his family in Moroc, you would not be able to go outside without a male relative.

You would be relegated to "woman's space" which is usually the roof of the house and to the cemetary on Fridays. When men come to the house to visit, women leave the room. You will wash clothes by hand, cook food over coals, and for all intents and purposes, be a housekeeper for the family. For sure, you and your friend/husband will not walk hand-in-hand down the street like lovers. There is no such word as "love" in Islam. People marry to procreate. Forget that warm feeling called "love".

I can tell you now that stretching the truth is a big part of the culture. He wants you because he needs money in order to buy a virgin wife. It is referred to as "bride price" but in reality it is plain old buying a wife. In my opinion, buying a wife is slavery and a slave is what the wife becomes. You are a bright woman and I presume well educated. You have a good job and you can take care of yourself, right? You are a free woman in the western world. Are you willing to give up your freedom and strong sense of self to become a woman with no rights and no dignity in a country where most of the peoples' thinking is stuck in the 7th century? Non-Muslims are referred to as "non-believers" and are hated by Muslims.

If the so-called believers would study the religion and read the Qur'an, they would see very quickly that the religion originated from Judaism and Christianity but the two latter groups are scorned by Muslims. As I have said many times on this blog, I feel badly when I learn that Western women are scammed by men who have no respect for them.

I think of my poor great-grandmother who wore a scarf and abaya until the days she died. I also think about how hard our female ancestors fought in the U.S. just to be able to vote. Our generation is one of free women who can be anything we want to be. Why should we settle for a poor man who can't even buy us dinner and who had no respect for us? I simply will not. I'd rather be alone and read a good book.

My friend, when you lose your freedom, there is nothing left. I wish you the very best and I hope you find a man who deserves you. The one you are communicating with is only using you as a step up the next rung on his ladder. The only goal he has is to see how many women he can scam. I will bet you that he is telling the same lie to ten other women and they feel just like you. Keep your head held high and don't look back. Take good care of yourself and I bet you make the right decision.

You have people on this blog who care about you and we all will be praying that your path becomes smoother.

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