SO THIS IS HOW IT GOES

Submitted by leesa (United States), Jun 4, 2008 at 22:57

First they ask for your yahoo, msn, skype etc. address. You start talking and think they are "so sweet"...then you graduate to cam, and once you've started talking on cam, you're hooked. The "exotic, charming, and (well in his case) gorgeous" guy you're looking at you are falling head over heels in love with is like someone you have never encountered. For the first few months it's like heaven. You talk everyday, cam almost everyday, lots of phone calls, you are "in love" with this fantasy man.

Once he has you hooked he starts telling you he wants to meet you, be with you, marry you, whether it's through a marriage visa, fiance visa, work visa, ...it's different in every case. He starts talking about how he "wants this so much" but it's going to cost a lot of money. Then, as time goes on he starts saying "he wants this so bad" but it's going to cost a lot of money and he'll have to save. At this point he knows you are hooked and he is just waiting for you to say "Maybe I can help".........and then it all goes to hell.

You make a plan to help with whatever route you are going, you start sending money to help "save". The cam sessions start becoming a little less frequent, but unless you are the type of person that is aware (which I am a very aware person) you don't really notice for a while. The phone calls are less frequent. When he does get on cam or call, you are so happy to see him to talk to him that you don't care and it is enough to sustain you or satisfy you, at least for a little bit, not giving you a lot, just enough to want more. And he knows that........and he uses it.

Once you have started sending money, you are emotionally and financially involved to a point where you don't want to walk away, you want to see it through to the end, and you are hoping that it's all real, and not just some fantasy. All the little white lies that you've seen over time you have swept under the rug... but they are still there and you're always thinking about them. Everytime something happens, he talks his way out of it. He can talk his way out of "ANYTHING". and with a calmness you've never seen before. All this time you love him so much but you feel that something isn't right. But then he says something to you and it's all good again. That is until you start thinking again. You are hoping it is real, but you are just waiting for something to come crashing down on your head and say "That's it!! Now you know for sure!!" Well that finally happened to me.

About a week ago, I signed onto messenger invisible to see if he had left me any messages because he said he would call when he got online and I hadn't heard from him. He signed on right after me and turned on his webcam, then after about 3 seconds, either turned it off and turned off the "view my webcam" sign, which is what I'm pretty sure happened. I'm pretty sure he was talking to someone else on cam. Even though he has told me over and over that he "only talks to me".....

.After I signed on and we talked for a few minutes, I asked him if he was at home or the cafe, and he said home. Well he has been telling me for about nine months that his cam at home doesn't work. OK....I told him that I saw him turn it on and he said he was trying to fix it. WRONG ANSWER. He has been telling me all these months that he can't get a cam to work where he lives because of some kind of connection problem.....we have always talked on it when he's at the cafe. So he says...............

So a couple of nights ago, we were planning to talk Wednesday (tonight) and he said we could talk on cam, if I could get on early. Why early, and what time, I asked. He asked what time it was here. I told him. Then...pause...pause...pause..he comes back and says we can talk at 7 your time (which mean my time). Ok, why so early I ask...he says "We can talk and see each other on cam." OK...but why so early?

He says "If you are busy I understand"....by the way we have never talked that early, we always talk at a certain time, or within a few minutes of that time. So I ask, "But why so early?" Usually I just give up, but no, not this time, and he wasn't prepared for all my questions. He finally said, "I'm just saying I can be there at that time, but we can talk at our time too". Well that's not what he originally said, he originally said we could talk on cam if I could be there early.........................sounds to me like he's scheduling cam dates. What do you think?

That was the first time since I've met him that he didn't have a clever answer to make me believe him. And one other thing, 7 my time is 2am his time...and we usually talk at 3am his time. Who can do that and work an 8 hr shift the next day? He must be superman. He says he wakes up to talk to me and then goes back to sleep until it's time to get up. I'm guessing he's going to bed for the first time after we talk.........

It's really hard to think that someone can look you in the eye over and over again for a year, and not mean anything they say. And the thing too, is physically he does not match the profile of a scammer.. He's very intelligent (which isn't physical, I know), well groomed, and dresses very classy. He always looks nice. He doesn't look poor and he doesn't seem like the type of guy that wouldn't have a job..............

So anyway, that's my story. Sound familiar? Or at least similiar? I hope if there is anyone else out there going through the same thing, this will make them think long and hard about what they're doing, and maybe save their heart and their wallet.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".