lesson learned

Submitted by Broken heart (South Africa), Jun 11, 2008 at 01:51

I have been humbled by my daliance with a younger Moroccan man. He may have charmed me for gifts, but how can you blame someone who has so many unattainable material things flaunted in front of him by tourists, desire is human nature. When you live in a country with limited opportunity you find a way to get what you desire, sadly this often means hurting others. The good news is that violence is not prevalent as it is in many other countries and material things are charmed from you rather than taken at gun or knife point.

The most humbling experience was to learn that not everyone wants the life we have in the west. I am an independent professional woman who is well traveled and have amazing freedom in life. This is not what all people want. I often wonder who is right. In the West we fill our days with any activity and work. I found the Berber lifestyle difficult to adjust to as they do not have the desire to be busy all the time, possibly because a subsistence life is exhausting. I was also touched by the social activity between men and between women. When they are not working they spend time together (men with men and women with women), chatting or just sitting together. In the west this is rare and we build walls that keep strangers away and foment isolation and loneliness. Again, who has it right?

The devotion to Islam in every aspect of life is fascinating and I have started reading about the religion, not to convert, but to understand. It is an interesting philosophy that sadly has been altered (as have all other religions) by the patriarchical society we live in. Regardless, the underlying five pillars are similar to those of other religions and have a solid bend towards respect and kindness between people.

I think it is because what I got out of the friendship with the Moroccan man that I do not want to let go, what else can he teach me? These are not material things, they are more valuable than that because they become part of you forever. If it cost me gifts, so what, it is cheaper than therapy.

Understanding the reality of his interest in me gives me the freedom and caution to continue the conversations. However, he does not see it that way. This is where he is different. He does not want to be a gigolo, and friendship with no material purpose is not common in the culture. I got the impression that he felt bad about using women, but again, too much desire overcame the mind. At least he has the decency to let you know the truth about his feelings and long term intentions.

As long as you find someone with depth, but enter it with your eyes WIDE open, I think a friendship is a worthy experience. The hard thing is to control your heart and recover when your dreams collapse.

As far as Muslim women, I appreciate their insight and advice. The culture is something you cannot read about you have to live in it to understand the norms and what is acceptable. Again, I do not think what we have in the West is everyone's dream and we should respect other ways of life.

All the best

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