Leigh, be careful here and please listen

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jun 13, 2008 at 10:24

Welcome back Leigh!

It's almost like these papers will make or break your life.

My advice is to NOT go through with this. The idea that you have not met his family is very disturbing to me. I wouldn't marry someone unless I met their family. There would need to be EXTREME circumstances for me not to, like she was from the Middle East, moved here and converted to another religion and her family disowned her. Then I would consider it.

But that aside, I feel that this is bogus to the core. The brother excuse? He could very well be saying that because he has other female clients he needs to talk to.

I don't know if you've met this guy in person or not, but marrying someone you've never met in person is a bad idea no matter who is it or where he is from.

You said you don't know what to think of him. NEVER EVER marry someone you are not sure about, Leigh.

This really applies to everyone on here: If you need third party confirmation (like this forum) to validate a life-long marriage, something is seriously wrong.

Ironically, he's probably right about his family not approving. But why wouldn't they approve? Because he's using you and they know it (keep in mind that many women on here critical of these international relationships are Muslim or from the Middle East), OR is it just because you are non-Muslim?

If its the first one, well, the consequences are obvious. He'll hang on as long he gets dough or sex or whatever he's after.

The second is more complicated. I just finished discussing this with poster Chaco, and I seriously doubt he will disown his family for you. Generally speaking, family is very important in that part of the world.

To start out, Leigh, he may stick to you...for months, maybe even years without so much as a phone call to them, but it probably will not last. In my family, one of my aunts eloped a few decades ago, and she was, well not disowned, but there was tension between her and my grandparents and they hardly spoke for 10 years. But eventually, the void had to be crossed and they came back, but by then they had three kids who never saw their grandparents before.

This is possible scenario that you would face. Not only that, you could very well be regarded as less human because you are from the West and presumably not a Muslim.

This may not have been what you want to hear, and I realize this is the second time you've written in some detail about an otherwise private matter. I can only imagine how torn you must feel over this.

I'm not really sure if you would be married or not by submitting those documents, but to be sure, I would still encourage you to call whatever office they are supposed to be sent to and ask. I wouldn't worry about telling about your personal matter either, because they deal with this all the time. And don't feel like you have to submit the papers just for the convience of your man or for the office. Trust me, they'd rather not have to deal with a bogus marriage. This is your decision, and I know you can make the right one.

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