Postive Experiences and Terror

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jun 13, 2008 at 17:47

Hi there, and thanks for sharing.

I've been on here for about 7 months now, and I can understand why you are attracted to this Moroccan man.

I'm going to give it to you straight:

MSN is one of the worst places you can meet someone. It's so easy to pretend to be who you are not. It's even worse than myspace or a dating site. Scammers, spammers and all kinds of crazy freaks with no social life hang around that thing like a moth to city street light.

You are looking for positive experiences.

The reality is with international distance dating, there are not very many. It's really nothing terribly new, either. There are some pretty creepy documented cases of long-distance phone relationships, one of which I know of borders on the bizarre.

The few women on here who are married to Moroccan men usually date them in person and see them frequently, and have met them in their own country, like the USA or the UK. And even so, there's no guaruntee things will work out. Marriage and having children isn't the finish line as some women on here seem to think. I knew a woman on here who was a staunch defender of these marriages, until three years into her Morroccan marriage, her man was cheating on her, probably even at the same time she was on here posting and defending him.

This is not limited to just Middle Eastern men, in fact, numerically, I would say that more Western men get scammed by Russian, Nigerian and Latino women. When I was investigating this, I found out that many of these women had stolen photos from a Hawaiian models website and were using them to attract men, give a sob story, and the guy would send her cash no questions asked.

That's the same technique that strippers and some waitresses use.

I recently read that relationships between Russian women and American men have a 70% failure rate, and relationships between Canadians and Chinese have a 50% failure rate. These situations have literally become organized crime, and the scams run even among dating sites and services.

Here are some warnings I feel you should think about

1) Has he told you that he loves you? If this happened before you even met, that is a major red flag. Real matrimonial love doesn't happen over the internet. I once had a Russian told me that she loved me in the second e-mail, and all she had seen of me was an outdated senior picture.

2) An age difference. Dating sites and North African/Middle Eastern women on here will be the first to tell you that men from their cultures will NOT consider a serious relationship with a much older woman.
Older women (especially divorcees and single moms with kids) are intentionally targeted.

3) Money, of course, you said he didn't ask, but have you felt inclined to offer?

4) A quick marriage. Why do people do this? Out of love and romance? Hardly. It operates around a simple principle that salespeople use: spontaneous people are more likely to buy, and buy at expensive rates. Next time you are in the supermarket, look at the price of candy in the aisle and compare it to the price at the check-out counter.

Why do you think all the tabloids and TV Guide are there?

People are more likely to buy.

The same principle applies here. Once you are married, you are in a legal agreement. The idea is to get you married before you have a chance to gather your bearings or question the relationship.

5) They get offended when you ask detailed, probing questions.

It's interesting that you know "many" people who are waiting to get visas for Moroccan men. According to the State Department, not many of those get issued out for Moroccans.

I'm really sorry to hear that you are terrified, and just remember that you are in control. On-line dating is very difficult, because you can't see the person you are talking to, and as a woman who has a knack for picking up on male BS, your ability to detect this is hampered enormously.

We are complex beings, and we communicate much more than just by typing or talking. Over the phone or internet, you can't see the other person, so gestures and facial expressions are out, as are eye gazing, and even with a webcam, there is usually a time delay.

I would say that many women (and men too) fall "in love" over the internet with these scammers inadverently.

Think about it: In the case of women, they like a challenge. Scammers usually have several, um, "clients" if you will, so they don't give out much attention, therefore, they don't appear needy. The other thing is, they are also mysterious, and what girl doesn't like a mystery man and wants to find out who he is, huh? The reason they don't reveal much is because they have a lot to hide.

I can understand why you wouldn't want to be with your boyfriend who doesn't want to marry you. It's getting to be an old story here in the West. But if any man is offering things to you on a silver platter, chances are, it's too good to be true.

He may not be after money, he may just want sex with a Western woman, looking for a second wife, or even to spread Islam by using you to have his kids.

Sounds crude, but I've seen at least one post that shows just that.

Lilly, I get the impression that you feel rushed, and maybe feel that this is too good to pass up. That's the whole bait used by liars and scammers.

You seem like a normal person who just wants to be happy and raise a good, healthy teenager. That is an admirable quality, but please, please, open your eyes. Your situation with the quick marriage (only after meeting once????) is a classic sign that something is not right. There's countless things this man could be lying about, heck, it's even possible he's already married!

Again, I understand the attraction, but it takes more than that to make a marriage work. Attraction will decrease over time. I really don't think what you feel for this man is matrimonial love, but attraction.

Lilly, I think you deserve better than this, and there are other men, better men, out there. I assure you neither this Moroccan man nor this boyfriend are your last chances.

---

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".