Advice about marrying him

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jun 16, 2008 at 17:11

Hi there! Thanks for sharing your story!

The issue here is change. People, especially conservative religious people, don't like change.

Here's the deal: In intercultural marriages, whether its an American man or Russian woman, or you and a Moroccan, the chance of success is very much against you, especially if either of you needs third-party confirmation.

Listen, marriage isn't quite the joke sitcoms make it out to be. If you marry him, you are legally tied to this man, and make no mistake, you'll be the one changing, not him. Even the most ardent feminists give way to them.

The idea that he gets jealous around other men is a sign of belligerence, insecurity or both. Seriously, if you were dating a Western guy, would you really put up with that? I bet you'd see him as a huge wuss. It would be different if you flirted with other guys a lot and on purpose at his expense, but I doubt that's the case.

In conservative Islam, men like to have control over the woman, ok, B? There's no nice way of putting it. Your freedom will go out the window. It can and does happen in the West. I recently read an article about how Saudi men were keeping female Filipina Muslims as house slaves---in northern Virginia

To tell you the truth, thousands of people are in the USA right now who were brought here against their will.

Even if you do convert, it will not be enough. You won't be able to just claim to be Muslim, you'll have to act like it, too. Some women convert to marry a Muslim man because they just want a family with a man who will be loyal, and they think religion will be on the back-burner like it is for them.

But, do they get a rude awakening.

Being with this man of yours will mean being a good housewife, not seeing any of your male friends (you can go to jail for this in Saudi Arabia) and never denying him sex and wearing the hijab. So really, you're treated more like an escort service than an equal partner.

Most important, don't expect to be seen as his equal. In other words, just because he won't allow you to see other male friends, doesn't mean he won't see his female friends. NEVER EVER believe that just because a man is a hard-core religious dude that he'll be faithful.

I would advise against this relationship. I know it's hard and I'm sure that you two have fun together and that you are attracted to him, but philosophically, you two are just too different. Even if you did convert, I don't think it would do much good. You'd have to be a traditional Muslim housewife.

Let me give you an example: Me. I'm a fairly strict Catholic, and I've learned that by dating other women who aren't Catholic that it's an uphill battle. It took me a while to have realistic expectations about dating someone who would convert to my religion (if she wasn't already Catholic). There are plenty of good-looking girls that I have dated, but I knew it wouldn't work out. Why? Because I know that marriage is a life-time deal.

So, ask yourself, can you really live like a sheltered, good Muslim housewife for the rest of your life?

That's what he'll expect.

Now, I know you may be thinking, "well, he doesn't seem that bad, luigi."

Maybe not now. But as religious guy, I know he's not revealing his true colors. Not until you are married, because then you will have already invested too much to break away and you're his forever.

How can I know that?

Because I used to do the same thing when I dated non-Catholic women. I knew it was a turn-off to them, and that it would scare her off. So, I never said much about it and didn't give the impression that I was religious.

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