Being in an international relationship is a redflag of itself

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jun 19, 2008 at 20:05

Thanks so much for the post, Tatl.

The biggest concern I have on here is that women (such as yourself) do not have the strength or will to completely leave these men, that means blocking phone numbers, messenger IDs, or even uninstalling chat programs.

The myspace woman I dated was like this: she couldn't say NO or just let go of all her ex-boyfriends and girlfriends or let them go. It was utterly insane, and I'm amazed I put up with it as long as I did.

The reality is across the board of gender, religion and ethnicity:

If you are in an international relationship, chances are, it's not for real.

Even if he doesn't ask for money, he could still be after a visa.

Yes, there are scammers, and a select few aren't.

But of those few, the cultural, philosophical differences will neutralize many of them over time.

If you haven't read what Dr. Pipes has written above the comment section, what he says is true, but often times it's not as dramatic.

You see, marriage isn't the finish line to a scammer or a liar. The real problems usually don't surface until months or years into the marriage. I've seen it happen with Russian women and with Moroccan men who marry Westerners.

After the marriage, it's like a switch goes off. Why? Because now you are legally bound to that person.

If somebody wants something from you (ie trying to make a sale), of course they are going to be nice to you! Why do you think car salesmen and real estate agents are so nice?

Because then you are more likely to buy!

Lately it's been hard for me to sleep and eat and my head hurts and my body aches

and I can't think of anything else,but this situation.

I felt the same way after I left my woman. It took a lot of gumption, but I realized I could never spend the rest of my life with someone who took advantage of me and was too different.

Have I been fooled and played like so many other women on here and other websites ?

Chances are, yes.

Or did I just break up with a man who couldn't been my future husband ?

Probably not. Opposites attract, yes, but attraction and matrimonial love are two very different things, tatl.

I once had a Russian girl e-mail me once who interested in me. At the time, she was several years older. She told me she loved me in the second e-mail. I told her I wasn't interested anymore, but I still wondered if I too, had made a mistake. Then, I started investigating on-line relationships, and found out most of the international ones were frauds. I even began to notice that even on a local level, there didn't seem to be many success stories.

I have been told to go with my gut feelings ,but I don't know what I feel anymnore.

The thing about your gut feelings: they aren't usually good indicators of an on-line, distance relationship. Why?

I've made several posts about women and communication and their ability to detect a man's BS. This is almost IMPOSSIBLE for you to do over the internet, phone, or even webcam. Why?
;
In Dating Secrets Revealed: The Smart Dating System, Marius Panzarella notes: Most women, when they date men, are looking for reasons NOT to date them. It's a common mistake that Western men make.

Women essentially interview a man by careful observation and questioning. This isn't done with men on-line, nor can it be done effectively.

For one thing, you cannot tell his facial expressions, body language, timing ect. from talking over the internet. Then, there is the all important eye-contact and touch. Therefore, unlike being on a date with a nervous Western guy, you are at a disadvantage. This mounts frustration in some cases.

You're also at a disadvantage because some of this stuff is organized crime. Even the family is in on it sometimes. Literally, this is what scammers do ALL day and night: talk to men and women. After so much time and practice, they get very good at it. Some of them probably even meet in what are called "boiler rooms", a term used in the sales business for salesmen to devise new ways to sell things.

A lot of women "fall in love" inadvertenly, I think, because the man is usually reserved, doesn't say much about him, and he comes across as a mystery guy. Most of these men are charming, which thanks to feminism and secularism, has vanished from the West. It's easy to see why women get so attached, but that's exactly the man's hope.

He wants to take care of me and said that even if he had to work 2 jobs ,he would ,to make sure I have everything I need and want.

Yeah, right. So he says.

He seems to be of the the most patient ,kind hearted ,sincere, and positive thinking man I have ever met.

Every single experience on-line I've ever had and every single story is like this: we ALL want to think we have the real thing because our man/woman is nice.

But what good what it do for him to get angry or be mean? Are you going to want to be with him then?

Think about this for a minute! You've never even met this guy, and yet now you feel bad if because you thought he was marriage material?!?

Listen, I know you're hurting, and it's not fair, but you must make a firm decision to get over this! If you don't, it will only get worse.

Some of things I think can help:

Go out with people you know in REAL LIFE. Friends, family, whatever. Extend your social circles, treat yourself to something special.

Don't sit and mope in front of your computer or hope and wait for a phone call or IM. Go out, get some sunlight, and enjoy life!

If you need to talk to someone on here, I'm more than happy to listen, but running back to this man would be a mistake.

You sound like a smart lady, and you don't need to go to the ends of the Earth to find love.

---

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".