respect and sex

Submitted by Lisa (United States), Jun 21, 2008 at 23:06

Broken heart's post a few weeks ago made me think of this but it seems to be a common theme- It really bothers me what a double standard these men have regarding sex. It is ok for them to sleep with whoever they want to, but when a woman sleeps with him, he loses all respect for her? That is just wrong. Not because I think it is ok and a good idea to sleep with people you don't know very well, it causes a lot of pain and heartache. But it takes two! They are condemning and disrespecting women for the same thing they are doing themselves. The women they think are so slutty aren't having sex alone! These attitudes are so frustrating.

They think most western women are "easy". The guy I was with seemed to assume I would sleep with him, which I did, so sadly I realize I helped perpetuate the stereotype they have of American tourists. But there never seemed to be any doubt in his mind that I would, I don't think it ever occurred to him that I might say no. I don't give off a "slutty" impression; I am a pretty nice girl and dress and behave fairly modestly. So if he thought that about me, imagine what they think about the women that go over there wearing revealing tank tops, short-shorts, etc.

I think part of my problem was- and maybe other ladies here are the same (those that met in person, this wouldn't apply to those that are only online)- I don't generally sleep with men that I am not involved in a serious relationship with. I don't know what happened, I just got taken in by his charm and carried away. So when I did, I felt like I should build a relationship with him. I liked him a lot, but I knew deep down that with the cultural/religious differences and the long distance, it probably wouldn't be successful. The fact that we were intimate makes it hard to let go and move on, even though I know it is for the best. (We haven't talked in a few weeks but it seems to be mutual, he is not calling or emailing me either. In fact, I am having a harder time moving on than he is, I have texted a couple of times and he doesn't answer.)

I think most of us American/western women have good intentions and are just looking for someone to love and love us back. Good men here in the US are hard to come by. But the crux of the problem is, men there just don't respect women, especially western women. It wasn't how they were brought up and it isn't part of their culture. Many Arab/Muslim men are nice people and are nice enough to women, but they don't respect them. It's not necessarily that they mean any harm, it just isn't how they were taught in their culture, so it is a foreign concept to them. When I talked to the guy I knew and his friends about how the men there treated me, they didn't understand why I wouldn't want men to stare at me or make crude sexual comments to me. "They only do it because you are pretty, it is a compliment". They thought I should like it and be flattered! They had no concept of what was respectful or appropriate. But you know they wouldn't treat a Muslim woman that way.

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