Still healing

Submitted by broken heart (United Kingdom), Jun 23, 2008 at 03:16

I am grateful for this site as it allows me to share a very important and personal experience with others who understand. Lisa, I understand the confusion and the pain as I still feel it too. As time continues to pass I reflect and crystalize my thoughts....

I think men are very similar around the world, they will meet their physical needs and can do so with little or no emotional involvement. I work with many married men and have on several occasions met mistresses. These are English men who out of boredom in marriage seek some hot attention. So it happens everywhere. The difference is that it happened to us and the men that we met were so charming and we got emotionally involved.

In my case I felt that I could help Hamid improve his life as I saw so much potential in him. The reality is that he does not want my lifestyle, how presumptuous of me to think that my life is better than his. He may not have traveled the world, and have the choices I have, but he does not want this. He wants a family a house and some basic comfort. That is enough for him though it would never be enough for us who have tasted more in the world and are bombarded daily with the push to do more, have more and see more. I wonder who has the better perspective and goal...

I think contact is only maintained if there is the possibility of more (sex, money, gifts), but otherwise there is no logical reason for the contact as it will go nowhere - another cultural perspective I think. Yes, it is selfish behavior but again perhaps more realistic than what we as western women will accept and pursue.

We want respect because it makes us feel as we are not viewed negatively. I really don't think they care either way, they enjoyed, got what they could and moved on with their lives. I often wonder if they have any sense of remorse for the pain they cause. Having discussed this with western men who hop around with women, my conclusion is that no they don't. They just move on and vaguely remember us in the past. Like a glass of cold water on a hot day, we hit the spot. The moment was enjoyed but does not dominate the thoughts and actions of the man, we were there at the right place at the right time.

I know and share your pain (STILL one month later) and cannot wait for the day that I do not think of Hamid every waking moment. I hope it will come soon.

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