Luigi, you are right

Submitted by Lisa (United States), Jun 23, 2008 at 23:45

"Just because a man says he is religious doesn't mean he won't have sex with you or sleep around. Look, I'm a fairly religious person, and I screw up. A lot. In college, I knew that IF I wanted an easy lay, a liberal Western woman was the way to to go. This is the same thing that some religious Muslim men think. Just because they sleep with you, doesn't mean they've changed or are going to change! Muslim immigrants in Norway and Sweden do this ALL the time! It IS a double standard, whether I'm doing it or they are doing it, and you have to be able to understand that, or your heart is going to get run over by a freight train!"

Absolutely. I didn't mean to sound like I was critical of these guys because they sleep with women when they claim to be devout Muslims. I am a Christian and I have certainly done my fair share of messing up, obviously in this situation I have described to you all here, and many more various screw-ups daily. It's a good thing God is forgiving. :) The problem I have is the hypocrisy of many of these men, some to the point that it is hateful toward women (like the rapists that you cite). There is a double standard for men and women in the western world too, but it seems much worse in muslim culture.

I just think it stinks how the men there view women. Most Muslim men are not cruel, abusive rapists; but even the more "liberal" Muslims like the guy I knew, I think have a general contempt of western women and think they can use them. The lack of respect is not even that obvious, he was nice to me for the most part, and pleasant and fun to talk to and be around, it is just a general feeling of not being taken seriously and being viewed as lower than men, and in my case the realization that, Oh! I guess he didn't really like me as a person or want to be friends, he just was charming to get me into bed! Duh. Obviously a lot of American guys do the same thing, so it certainly isn't exclusive to Muslim men, but they seem to get away with it a lot more. I guess we give them a pass because we think, oh, their culture is just different, or whatever, and try to be understanding. I just hope all the women here (including me!) will be careful and guard your hearts.

"It doesn't surprise me that this is hard for you, but I commend you for doing the right thing. The biggest fear I have about the women on here is that they won't be able to stand their ground and leave. A lot of these men are very persistent and call and e-mail a lot."

Thank you! But I was actually the more persistent one (which is a little embarassing), even though I was kind of wanting to end it, I would probably still be talking to him if he hadn't quit answering my emails and basically disappeared off the face of the earth. I am actually thankful and relieved he did, though, because I knew it wasn't really the right thing for me and wouldn't turn out well and needed to be over, I just didn't have the heart to. I am going to stop myself from emailing or calling anymore, though. :) But I fear, like your grandma is about your myspace girl, that if he ever calls or emails me again I will melt and fall for it all over again. I hope to be strong enough not to.

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