Thank you Yasemin

Submitted by broken heart (Turkey), Jun 30, 2008 at 16:08

Dear Yasemin, you have articulated my feelings exactly. He, who I know is not perfect and who will not change, captured my heart entirely. The pain is that he did not have the same reaction to me. When I think of him i only remember the good and I have a huge amount of empathy for his situation. The responsibility of providing for an entire family in a country where it is hard to provide for just one is a huge weight for any human being, though many do it.

Hamid is a man I am/ was ready to give everything to, if he would only give me his love. I am eternally grateful for his sincerity and honesty in telling me that there is no future for us EVER. Still my heart yearns for him. His religion and upbringing gave him strong morals which he abides by. The constant thrust of material things in advertisement and visiting tourists caused him to do things I know he deeply would prefer not to have done, but desire overcame him. i know I am one of many in his "harem" as he is a handsome, intelligent, funny and overall nice person. I spent time with Hamid and his friends, and he was always warm to me as I interacted well with his friends. Still..... not enough for him to care for me.

I am trying desperately to forget him, but it is very very hard. I hope my gifts brought him some happiness, and ideally a chance for a better life - with or without me. He deserves this as any human does. We are lucky to have opportunities in our lives and countries and it must hurt terribly to realize that due to your place of birth you do not. I love Morocco, but t is not kind to its own people. The lack of social medicine,, retirement for all, and basic working benefits is something we take for granted and the first step in the development of a country. I fear Morocco is far from even beginning to make the changes needed to help its own people. The people in turn do what they can to survive and have a good standard of living, particularly when they see what so much of the world has.

Your words show me that you have loved and been badly hurt. I wish that you find someone that can treasure you, and your profound soul. Your words have helped me immensely, but nothing other than time will heal my wound which is a gaping hole in my heart. At times I think about moving to Marrakech, but I know what fuels this desire is the hope of a future with Hamid, which I still yearn for despite all his statements. I should be more realistic in that a 33 year old man and a 50 year old woman are not meant to have a relationship other than mother and son, but he gave me hope and i fell for it.

Thank you again.

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