My story

Submitted by Jr (United States), Jul 2, 2008 at 15:06

I've been reading this board off an on for the last year or so. Most likely my earlier responses would tell a different story than I'm going to tell now, but it's something I had to learn the hard way, despite warnings.

I met a Muslim man approximately 4 years ago. We began dating, and he was very sweet and doting and we got along really well. After 5 months, we got engaged and then 3 months later we were married.

He initially began talking about marriage after a month, and it kind of creeped me out at first. I'm not so naive to think that a man just really likes me THAT much! At any rate, things were fine for about 6 months. We filed his paperwork for his green card, although he told me that it was already being processed through his employer, so he wasn't trying to get a green card. Who knows if that was true or not?

At the time we were dating, I had a dog. He would pet the dog and talk to it and stuff, and then all of a sudden, he declared that he didn't like dogs and that they were unclean and he couldn't pray in the house. He has even, on several occasions, asked me to get rid of the dog. We still get along, for the most part, but about 6 months ago, I was asking him what his family thinks about us not having kids, and then the truth came out.

You see, initially, before we were married, we talked about how the kids could go to church, but that they would learn both religions. We talked about waiting for 4 years before starting a family. Six months ago, he tells me that the kids have to be Muslim. He completely went back on what he said, and doesn't see that there's anything wrong with it.

Seems to me, the more I know, the more I see that Islam allows the men to lie, as long as it benefits Islam in the long run. I was so angry at the time and hurt because it was like seeing a new person altogether. This wasn't the man that I thought I knew. I told him that I was ready to file for divorce. When he realized I was serious, he cried and his first comment, I kid you not, was that he would have to go back to his country because he wouldn't get his green card. Coincidence? Who knows? And recently, he has been deceptive about where his money is going. He still, after 4 years, sends around $400 per month to his family back home.

With my Muslim, we could continue to go on the way we are. He is not abusive, but he's not overly nice these days either. But to continue this relationship, I would have to eventually give up my dogs, give up my desire to have children, as he won't even discuss it now, and pretty much give up everything that IS ME.

In closing, I want to say from experience, that my husband did say the wonderful things that I wanted to hear in the beginning, but now I'm left with a roommate. Not a spouse, not a lover, not a friend, but a roommate.

Like I said, I could continue on this way and live a comfortable life, but will I be happy? I doubt it. I would have to sacrifice everything that I love in order to make my marriage work, and I just don't know if I have it in me.

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