To isis re victims

Submitted by yasemin (Canada), Jul 5, 2008 at 13:54

The following comment by Isis begs for a response: "Amazing stuff happening on this blog with women willing to be trodden on by any man".

You seem to be suggesting that if a woman encounters problems with a middle eastern man, or any man for that matter, that it is automatically her fault if the man's actions have an impact on the woman, even if the woman is completely unaware that certain things are happening.

And if she dares to expose what happened, she is automatically branded a victim, a form of bullying in my mind that says Women if you have a problem just keep your mouth shut in order to avoid condemnation. Perhaps the women do see what's happening but are not like those of us who can so easily "move on" to the next man ( the western disposable people mentality ) and prefer instead to try to resolve a problem. These women come seeking advice and it is not our place to berate them for some "inadequacy" as perceived by certain posters with an insufferable "holier and better adjusted than thou" attitude. Isis, some humans have emotions and your empty advice to move on is condescending and reveals a total lack of understanding of the depth of human emotion.

As for my enjoying being a victim, that is so crass a statement. For one thing I didn't even imagine my husband could ever poison me. And so i knew that other women would be equally naive and possibly in danger. Thus the warning. Secondly, I am far from being a victim. I stopped him getting a visa to Germany, had his nameplaced on first world country watchlists, obtained a protection order ( next to impossible in that country ), and had criminal assault chrges laid against him ( also a very rare achievement). Perhaps your needs would be better served by joining a pollyanna group if such exists. Your criticism of the women here is a dangerous thing - they are in need of uplifting, not criticism, and you will make women afraid to post their concerns.

As for me, I loved him and i miss the first days together every day. I'm not some automaton. If that makes me a victim, i really don't give a ...

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