Red Flags

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jul 7, 2008 at 17:06

hi Topaz, thanks for sharing!!!

First and most important: If you need third-party confirmation over the internet to help you feel better or more confident about your relationship, it's not a good sign. Solid marriages and relationships stand on their own without internet blogs as a crutch. You're talking about marriage here with a Muslim man, and for a lot of Muslims, marriage isn't a punchline like it is here in the West. I mean, it's harder to get divorced, especially in Islamic countries, and the terms aren't going to be fair to women.

Another big issue here is the quick marriage. I mean, can you REALLY get to know someone for 3 months to know if you want to spend the rest of your natural life with them?

This is trick used by visa scammers, and yes, I see that he wants you to move to Turkey not vice-versa. It is imperative for you to recognize that the dating scams go beyond just mere visas. Sometimes it's money, sometimes they are already married and just want a house-servant, sometimes it's just they want a Western woman to populate the world for Islamic conquest and/or to just brag about getting someone who is different.

In any case, it usually means the man has something to hide, and he wants to get hitched before you have a chance to figure out what is going.

Believe me, there are plenty of [possible reasons why this man is offering marriage to you so soon besides love.

Look, we're about the same age. I'm 26. I see a lot of marriages and relationships with people our age fail months after they happen. It's not something you can rush into and expect good results, Topaz. At best I would say this is a gamble, and one that people lose on a lot. I dated a woman mostly over myspace, and it took me 12 months to figure out who she really was and that she had been cheating on me left and right while spending my money. She talked about getting married, probably even on the same day she had cybersex with another guy.

Listen, you sound like a decent person who just wants to happy. I can see why you'd be attracted to a sweet, exotic man. It's natural and normal. But honestly, Topaz, having talked to women internationally for dating myself and from reading 8 months worth of testimony on here, it ALWAYS starts out nice and fuzzy. It did with my woman too, and it stopped once she knew I had invested enough in her that I wouldn't leave on a whim.

The divorce rates for international marriages seem pretty high, and that's not even accounting for the fact that there are people who in these and are geninuely unhappy, or as is the case with some Saudi men, trapped.

The other thing is, you say you sound fine with being a Muslim. But what is a Muslim to you or your partner? Al queida thinks they are all true Muslims, and secularists in the UK who don't wear the hijab or head covering and get drunk at the pub also have that claim.

If you'll notice what Dr. Pipes wrote, it says one thing: You don't have to date a terrorist to live like a traditional housewife. I wouldn't be surprised at all if your man just expects this from you, Topaz. I mean, have you even discussed this?

I would also ask, what exactly do you know about Islam? Have you looked at from both a negative and positive perspective?

This is a big life decision, Topaz, and you may be thinking in the back of your mind that you can try it and maybe it won't work out. I did, so have other women on here, and it's an expensive thing to learn both financially and emotionally.

We live in a world where people will do anything to take advantage of other people, and I'm sure this may not be what you wanted to hear, but if I were in a relationship and serious conversations about marriage started up in the third month, I would really leave. It's just unrealistic.

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