To topaz re moving to Turkey

Submitted by yasemin (Canada), Jul 7, 2008 at 17:40

Topaz, i missed the part about him wanting you to come to live in Turkey so i'll have to revise the advice i gave. If it's not a visa or green card he wants, then he may want money or perhaps just socially sanctioned sex inside of marriage for a few months.

But first of all, his family won't accept you if you aren't turkish, born muslim, a virgin and younger than the man. They will pretend to accept you ( partly out of traditional hospitality rules but also as part of a scam ). You must understand something before going any further with this thing - a man's family is next to god for a Turkish man. If he doesn't obey his family they will disown him and that is worse than death for a Turk. He will throw you away without caring if his family tells him to. Marriages are still commonly arranged by families there.

When the family says okay son, you've had your fun or your money has run out, they will arrange a marriage to a turkish woman. Marriage in this religon is a completely different thing - in the western world it's a sacred thing. There it is a legal contract, nothing more. Therefore, when he decides to leave, he just leaves. No discussion. You will be at the mercy of the legal system which won't protect your rights. If you make divorce difficult, there could be a hit man waiting for you when you step outside ( possibly a relative - honor killings still occur - but mafia is cheap and everywhere ). Or maybe he really is a nice guy.

You can't know this until you have more information. That's why you need to be careful and go VERY slowly with this. Muslim culture doesn't believe in dating i've read and this is partly why the marriages are faster there. But 3 months is too fast. Hide your atm number in the meantime - i am serious.

Big question - where is his family from originally ? Sivas is a red flag - very fundamentalist. Also syria or anywhere in southeastern part of that country. If you want to see his real side to see if he's extreme fundamentaist but hiding this, say something derogatory about jews or blacks ( sorry people but they are brainwashed into hating certain groups ) - then see what his reaction is. Does he agree with you ? Which high school did he attend ? was it in Turkey and was it a religious high school ? Where did he grow up ?

something tells me he's in your country already. My gut tells me he's very strict muslim so be careful. Are you informed about the religion and do you know you will have to reject a lot of what you've learned here such as belief in evolution, women's rights. The more fundamentalist they are, the more they seem to reject modern scientific thinking and human rights.

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