Clarification

Submitted by Jr (United States), Jul 10, 2008 at 13:59

Dear Farrah and jr....

I cannot understand why you put up with these men and thier behaviour.You cannot believe that the situation will improve ..You both know that who they pretended to be at the begining DOES NOT EXIST !!!!!! You are both in love with men that do not exist....If they behaved at the beginnning how they are behaving now you would not of married them ....

This, to me, is the problem with posting issues on a forum such as this. It's very easy to misinterpret what other people are saying, and in my case, it's easy to sit here and complain about my husband and get these type of responses, because you're only hearing one side of the story. The reason that I put up with my husband and his behavior is because it is not the only side of him. I only shared the side of him that was irritating me at the moment.

He has many good qualities. I do believe that he misled me a little at the beginning and acted differently, but I would venture to guess that this happens in most marriages, regardless of race or culture. No doubt I showed a better side of myself than he sees now. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior, but I'm also not going to base my decisions on what has happened with other women. Each relationship is different, and I'm sure there are a few other women who have happy or at least semi-happy relationships with their Muslim husbands.

So ask yourselves this What is in it for you ? Would you be happier with them out of your lives ? No sex no friendship no honesty using your money ......If they are not having sex with you don't you care that they are having sex with someone else because believe me they are .So when you have both had enough and they think that they are going to loose all the comforts that you provide they will be Mr WONDERUL again....BUT for how long ? One day they won't need you anymore and they will leave you....When this happens I hope that you have both protected your property bank accounts e.t.c. or you will both end up with more than your hearts broken .....STOP giving and start receiving ...You deserve better you know that ....I wish you both happier days...

While I can understand where you're coming from here, why does it all have to be about me? Someone else had said that he acts like it's all about him, so am I doing any better? I might be happier not being married to him, but I'm not sure. I personally never said that we didn't have sex, and how can you possibly know that he is sleeping with someone else? As far as the comforts that you speak of, my husband provides most of those. He is not always honest about his money, but he does earn a decent paycheck also. He makes nearly twice what I make. As a precaution for myself, I have always maintained a separate account. I give him money for part of the bills and keep the rest for myself. It's very easy to give up when things are difficult, and to blame everything on him, but that's not right. I invested a lot of myself into this relationship, and I'm not ready to end it until I know for sure, without a doubt, that it won't work out long-term. To be honest, I'm still not entirely sure what I want to do. I'm kind of stuck in the middle.

My original intent when I posted the message was to let other women know that even if you do find someone who is not scamming you and who is genuine, there are many other issues that can make these relationships difficult. I was geniunely happy with my husband until last year when he told me that our kids had to be Muslim. Since then, I felt like he was not the person I married and have probably subconsciously been looking for ways to get out of our marriage, instead of trying a little bit harder to make it work.

Only time will tell what his real intentions were. As I said in another post, he just received his permanent green card, so there is nothing holding him back at this point. If he will leave, he will leave. I know that this may be a possibility.

Perhaps this post is just going to sound like a rambling, incoherent mess, but hey, that's me! : )

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