To Straight_Talk_Luigi

Submitted by Jr (United States), Jul 14, 2008 at 19:06

The reality is that cultural differences often are a big challenge. I know it's not easy an decision to end a relationship, even if it were abusive and bad, but if you cannot give up your faith in Jesus truly, then you'd just be converting to Islam on paper so to speak.

I just wish that he would understand that. He's content to have our relationship be superficial, but I need and think I deserve more than that. In his mind, if I converted we'd just be perfectly happy. I know I wouldn't be happy, and he's kidding himself if he thinks that it's going to make things perfect.

Dr. Pipes touches on this in this section, and I think that's why a lot of women "convert" to Islam when they marry Muslim men, because they just want a happy family, as you said. To them, JR, religion just isn't that important, but to your credit, it is to you.

This is one thing that I could never understand about the women in my circle of friends. Most of them are American women married to Pakistani men. They converted to Islam before marriage, and I can't understand why, if they had any relationship with God before their marriage, then how could they let go of that for a man? I've always maintained my faith and never promised or gave him any indication that I would do otherwise. He made a lot of assumptions, and now I have to pay the consequences for them? I don't think so.

When I was dating my woman over myspace, I was continually making sacrifices in my faith, and I never wanted to admit it, but it made me very unhappy. It wasn't easy to let her go despite all the cheating and lying she did. Let's face it, no relationship is bad ALL the time.

I think that this is something that not everyone on here understands, and I guess it's their prerogative to say what they want, but it is difficult to just leave someone who would take advantage of us. First of all, love is blind and it's not easy to see the bad in your loved one, even if other people try to tell you it's there. And like you said, no relationship is bad all the time. Personally, I try to be an optimist, and it was difficult to believe that he could do this to me. And even though it's ending, I don't want bad for him. I want him to be happy and hope that now that he's gotten what he needed from this relationship, he can go on and have a normal relationship with a nice Muslim girl.

The concern that I have for you, JR, is are you going to be able to stick to your guns on this? It sounds like this was a pretty mutual break-up, but the concern I always have for women on here is being able to say a firm NO.

I am very angry right now, and even though I'd love to have divorce papers drawn up and sign them right now, I'm choosing to separate from him and find my own place and live my own life for a little bit. Im not ready to completely call it quits, but right now, I can't stand to look at him, knowing what he's done and that he appears unapologetic for it. Perhaps he will realize what he's done, and we can work this out. Perhaps he'll get tired of trying to make it work and leave on his own. Either way, I'm free to be happy. I know most people won't understand me wanting to work this out, but I have to be sure of myself. I don't want to leave this relationship with any regrets.

I really wish everyone would read this post, because you really the nail on the head on a lot of issues.

Thanks for the way you word your emails. I don't like reading posts where people effectively kick someone when they're down because they "allowed" themselves to be tricked or used. Who purposely lets that happen to them? I know I didn't, but it still happened. Your messages are understanding and kind, and I appreciate that.

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