Here's my story......

Submitted by Trumoil City (United States), Jul 30, 2008 at 13:29

Hi everyone. I have posted once before, but I will start from the beginning. First, let me tell you I am a teacher of 35 years, 7 years' college, divorced a little over 2 years ago after 23 years. Just wanted to set the stage to tell you I am not a total moron. I am a Christian, not strict, love dogs, have many friends who love me. (this is shorthand cuz I'm at work and don't want to get in trouble (even though it is lunch time). Anyway, met my Moroccan hubby online Nov, 07. Didnt want relationship, but he persisted. Visited him and his family , fell in love, March, 08, June 08,

Sept. 08, He got his K-1 visa in March, came here, we were married in Oct. 07. Well, here it is around 10 months later and we are in the middle of probably our last big battle.

He is 30 years old, gorgeous, I am 57, attractive, good person, very giving, but I do admit I am opinionated and don't BS around. (please don't think I'm bragging but I know what people say about older/younger, etc.). I feel totally confident that he didn't marry me for green card cuz he would rather live in Morocco. I truly think he loves me (as much as he is able to love anyone).

However, I can't retire so we live in the southeast. Anyway, my problem is that he turned out to have major problems with anger management. I attribute that to age, lack of maturity, and just plain being an a--hole. He had gf that left him after 4 years--don't know how she stood him that long!!! His family is wonderful, so don't really understand the dynamics, but understand that he has younger brother with same anger problems. Sisters are wonderful, all treat me like family. He made a scene at his home when he came in late, blamed it on me. Family sees the truth, blamed him. But he still complains about me upsetting his family. He even got mad when I moaned when I had food poisoning cuz I upset his family---crazy!!! I think he loves me as much as he is capable of loving anybody. Obviously he doesn't/can't love himself. He brings out a side of me that I hate---screaming, enraged, etc. And seriously, I have never had another problem getting along with people, spouses, boyfriends, etc in my entire life. I can't stand yelling and screaming.

However, I have to admit, with him, I am totally crazy. He absolutely refuses to do anything that he doesnt want to. Today, he is at home (my house), laying in bed for the 3rd straight day saying he is sick. (Only called in sick the first day and of course, I went off on him about that.) However, he doesnt take meds or go to doc. Who knows if he will keep his job? This is at least the 5th time we have had major fight.

I now have major credit card debt as he insisted we go back to visit when we really couldn't afford to plus previous trips, etc. He does hand me his paycheck. He thinks that makes him a good husband. But he could have taken on second jobs, like mowing, but gave it up. Doesn't stick to anything--I think cuz in Morocco you can drift your entire life and get by with no serious committments to anything. He went to look for apartment to rent, as I have had enough of his crap.

He tries to make me think I am crazy. I tell him he will get fired. He has already walked off from one job. He tells me all other wives are nice. They don't say mean things to hubbies. I tell him yeah sure, nobody would put up with his BS. It is as if he is always looking to pick on me, criticize me, make everything my fault. I can't stand that. It is totally nuts. I have taken him back every time, but folks, I am over it now. He gets really mad when I tell him he is acting like a kid and we both say awful things to each other, I have to admit. But facts are facts...lol

Of course, my friends think I am totally crazy. I wonder myself why I have put up with such juvenile behavior. It makes me sad to think that if (probably when) he goes back to Morocco I will never see him again. But life is too short, and he is wearing me down. I fell down the steps the other day. When I told him, he didn't say a word, just winced. I know they don't complain, etc when they are sick. BUT is this man totally missing his COMPASSION/EMPATHY, SYMPATHY gene? Is he so screwed up he can't love anybody? I am answering my own questions, I guess.

So, when I go home today, I have to deal with this crap. I suppose we will just not speak--he is a master at clamming up for days if you do any stupid little thing that ticks him off--and they are really dumb things, let me tell you. If you even touch a sore spot, he gets enraged. Trust me, I am not used to this. I have, however, seen little kids that act like this at my school.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. I appreciate any support, etc as sometimes I feel totally alone. I have no kids. I do have my wonderful dog, but I worry cuz she is old. My brother has lots of health problems and lives in another state. I have good friends and some that are in love with Moroccan men. BUT their husbands dont act like mine. Please keep me in your prayers. I truly thought that God would keep him in Morocco if we could not have a decent marriage. I prayed a lot about it. But obviously God is trying to teach me another lesson. Geeze, how many do I have to get in a lifetime?

I will keep checking back here. I totally sympathize with all of you who love somebody who turns out to be a jerk or can't love you back. But, you know what, I refuse to let him make me think I am the problem. Cuz at my age, I think I would know if I was the problem by now. Don't get me wrong. I'm not perfect, have several divorces already behind me. Guess I just thought we would be the exception---BUT GUESS WHAT??? WE AREN'T!!! Thanks to all of you in advance!

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