TO PANSY

Submitted by turmoil city (United States), Jul 31, 2008 at 18:23

Hi Pansy--I am the same person as unhappily married. Thanks for the comment. Went to a divorce lawyer today and this whole thing is gonna cost me out the wazoo. I have been crying my eyes out since I got home. He has not come back here. He will move out Monday. When he comes back, I will have to talk about divorce. But I think he will be relieved. However, it breaks my heart to think that he will go back to Morocco and I will never see or hear from him again. We did have some good times. We just can't live together without destroying each other.

Let me say one thing. I have never thought he was out for a free ride. He always worked when he was in Morocco since he was 14. HOWEVER, I think in our case we are just sooo different. AND he has never matured past the 15 year old stage where he feels he needs to compromise. Plus, he has some major anger issues that he feels are "just him" and "that is the way I am".

Of course, we, as having more life experience, etc, know that a person has to grow up, accept responsibility, and adapt. However, I think that is probably a therapy issue that Moroccans just never have to deal with. In Morocco, you are what you are and you can pretty well get along like that. PLUS how many Moroccan women are gonna demand equality?

The way I see it, in Morocco, the guys go to work, then go to the coffee cafe to hang out with buddies and chat, then come home. The women stay home and cook and clean. WHICH IS FINE IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT. But I am too old not to have my say and be pushed around (figuratively). He has never physically abused me, just wanted to get that in. But words sometimes hurt worse. But I too, have said horrible things to him.

I think he never once thought what life would be like here. It has been very hard. Learning to drive, passing driver's test, getting job, driving 50 miles to job, etc. Our cultures are soooo different. Life over there is slow, you can always go live with somebody if you need to, somebody will feed you. YOu don't have to worry about all the crap here, family will help, etc. Job applications, taxes, all that stuff is so foreign. People think Americans are rich cuz we make good money, but they don't realize we have to have cars, taxes, and all that goes along with life here.

As you can see, a part of me still loves him and always will. I just have to realize that we just can't live together without destroying each other. I truly believe he loves me as much as he is capable of loving anyone. But he doesn't love himself, so how can you trust and love others?

Yes, this is an expensive lesson. BUT I had some nice trips to a beautiful country. His family has been wonderful to me, treat me as their own, do not approve of his temper tantrums.

Well, I hope to keep up with all of you folks here. I will keep you posted.

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