For Annie

Submitted by Zella (United States), Aug 12, 2008 at 21:10

My grandmother taught me many lessons when I was a young girl and one that is applicable to your situation is "marry in haste/repent at leisure".

There are many dynamics that of course come to play in the relationships described on this blog but one that seems to be consistent is the fact that most of the women are too trusting and get involved with men they know absolutely nothing about. Further, tolerating abuse seems to be another commonality. If a man or woman is physically and/or emotionally abusive, the behavior indicates a serious underlying psychological problem and unless the abuser is held accountable, the problems exacerbate.

You are dealing with someone who is exhibiting symptoms of some serious psychological problems and unless he is held accountable for his behavior, it will only worsen. On the other hand you are tolerating the abuse and the bizarre behavior. Therefore, you are enabling him to continue on a path of self destruction. How can you possibly live under such conditions? How do you manage to be successful in your profession with all of the craziness that abounds in your relationship?

There is mental illness around the globe and it doesn't respect religion, race, ethnicity, etc. The major problem is that far too many people live under an illusion that "things will get better". You like many others have developed a high tolerance to inappropriate behavior and as a result, chaos reigns.

You can't change this man but you certainly have the power to change your own situation. Offer your husband an ultimatum. Either he seeks help or you will divorce him. Creating a crisis can be very therapeutic.

Good Luck.

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