Thank you Hisham, Luigi, Yasmin, Isis

Submitted by broken heart (United Kingdom), Aug 17, 2008 at 15:36

I have finally come to accept who the real Hamid is. He is not the man I fell for. I saw him as I wanted to see him and as I thought he could be- focusing only on the good parts. As I visited him several times in a short period, each time more of the real Hamid was revealed.

I now accept that he is typical of the men that we read about in this blog, an opportunist who puts on a show to capture the heart of a woman for personal and financial gain. I was so sure that he was different and only needed a little help in life. Little by little he revealed his hatred for western people, out of jealousy and sense that we had things we did not deserve.

I was even thinking of helping him emigrate from Morocco !! How trusting and gullible am I? The reality is he prefers not to work and is able to earn enough as a gigolo trapping women he meets through his work as a tourist driver. By the time he is too old to attract women he will be back in his village with the woman his mother chooses as his wife. The woman will not know any freedom or opportunity but then she will likely not expect it. She will do as he wants entirely, something he was trying to get me to do. I only hope he doesn't teach his children to hate and consider a life of deceit.

I cannot thank all of you enough for your feedback and help. My friends were either too liberal (go see him if you want to) or tired of hearing me talk about him. Only YOU listened to me patiently over and over again, and gave me your sincere advice.

It is behind me. Yes it hurts, but the psychological pain he inflicted during my visits quickly dulls any desire I have to see or hear from him. I should have known better, but as you have all said we are in love with love and like the challenge and the experience of someone completely different, oh yes and very handsome. I always believed in cross cultural relationships as my parents are a good successful example of this. I have learned that this is not always possible as we are formed with many ideas and expectations that may not be obvious but that will surface at one time or the other.

I would like to stress that the issue is not about religion. It is about culture, which granted religion contributes to. But in this case the culture is one of an uneducated young man from a poor agricultural village which is raised in a patriarchical society. This is exacerbated by living in a city that is overflowing with tourists who are all wealthier than them which builds desire, jealousy, frustration then hatred. All of this results in a lack of respect and makes it easier to justify taking advantage and hurting those that you envy and hate.

Thank you for your patience. I will still read the blog, but my case and painful chapter is closed forever.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".