Farrah...

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Aug 18, 2008 at 20:23

Welcome back!

I guess it is my turn to say at how shocked I am about your advice telling Annie to stay with her man. If I didn't know better, I'd say that you were saying this to reinforce your own relationship?

Look, Farrah, nothing, and I mean nothing good can come of this. The fact that that he is Turkish has little to do with this, He's another crazy male who wants complete control, probably because he's jealous of every little thing. We have the same kind of men here in America and it's a partial reason for the high divorce rates.

What Annie's man wants is total control of the relationship. I've seen this type of behavior from men before, and that it has been successful. Remember the gal from South Africa who was telling us why she wanted to be in a polygamous relationship? For happiness---hers and his?

These are marriage martyrs, Farrah. A marriage martyr (similar to Marius Panzerella's concept on dating martyrs) is someone who ENJOYS getting hurt. Someone who ENJOYS the pain and the pity.

Of course, it doesn't help that in our society today such behavior is encouraged.

Annie can be the best Christian or Muslim ever, and it still won't be enough. JT is correct. I can imagine and relate to what he went through with his Russian woman. What he wants, Farrah, is for Annie to make the first move of getting out, while she has the advantage. If luck is on her side, maybe she can keep most of the things she deserves as well.

I've also read your more recent posts and the responses to me. I think that you're marriage is going in cycles. The woman I dated over myspace also brought this to our relationship. The concern I have for you is that you literally used divorce papers to get your point across.

Couples in a good marriage don't need to take it that far, Farrah.

Farrah, I don't think anyone on here is going to question that your man is handsome and what-not.

I've actually followed your postings for months now, and you used to be the inquisitive, curious lady who would ask questions and consider what is said on here who gives advice.

But before you last came on here, you were very upset, and understandably so.

It seems like it's only a matter of time before than happens again, hence the cycles.

I don't doubt you are a smart woman, but I think that over time this is going to wear down on you more than on him. It always seems like the men are willing to be more belligerent and aggressive, and hence get their way. I mean, Farrah, eventually the divorce papers technique isn't going to phase him much, because he'll figure it out and start calling your bluffs.

Also, I really question as to whether or not you really want to be a Muslim and wear the hijab, Farrah. Something tells me there's more to it than that. Are you looking to get more material things from this man?

Like the lady from South Africa, I feel that you are slowly but surely slipping into his control, Farrah. In fact, from you have told me earlier, I would not be surprised if he used having a child as leverage against you in your marriage.

Men---from all places---instinctively can sense the wavering resistance of a woman. It's really something that has evolved over time, I suppose, and it's not something you can hide. I do believe in the equality of women, but in cases like these nature takes over most of the time.

I'm not a fan of divorce, but this child of hers does NOT need an abusive, selfish controlling man around. That is the key to GET OUT. So, I think that JT is right, lest this angry man strike the child by mistake and hurt him/her----or worse.

Wouldn't be the first time.

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