Can you trust him? On-line dating in general

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Aug 26, 2008 at 16:23

hi there! Thanks for sharing!

Welcome to the I'm poor and I owe money club!!! ha ha. :)

I guessing this is an internet-based relationship since you use the verb "chatting."

One of the things I have noticed in the approximately nine months I have been on here, Nursejo, is that what brings a lot of women here is that they can't tell if their man is full of nonsense or not.

The reason is that only about 30% of communication can happen on-line. So what happens is that you meet a man on-line, but you can't see his body language, facial expressions, his eyes, ect. So your natural male nonsense detection is at disadvantage.

I get the impression, Nursejo, (as I do from a lot of women who post) that you're not sure, and you may even be asking yourself "Is it me? Am I being too paranoid? He sounds nice." But the women aren't sure, so they meander onto this site.

Were you seeing him in real life, it would be entirely different.

So, can you trust him?

My answer is: I wouldn't trust ANYONE I met over the internet. In fact, if I get a girl's screen name and start talking to her, one of the first things I say is that "I don't expect you to trust me."

I'll give you example: While I agree with a lot of people on this blog, I wouldn't meet them in person.

But what about the success stories? For on-line, international dating, I would say a lot of it is luck. I've even cautioned married women on here because the scenario with in Saudi Arabia that Dr. Pipes talks about is very extreme. It does happen, make no mistake, but if you read carefully on this blog the POSTS pertains mostly to men from North Africa, Egypt and Turkey.

This is where culture comes in.

Unlike the Arabian peninsula, sharia law isn't enforced much at all. The two ladies from Morocco I am acquainted with don't wear the hijab and one of them dresses in pink AC/DC clothes. So, you wouldn't see this in Saudi Arabia. They are more used to a loose style of living .Of course, there are plenty of hard-liners there, too it's just they don't get their way as much.

The other thing is that most men and women who Westerns talk to and marry from abroad may not be that extreme, but it doesn't mean that their relationship will work out.

I've noticed that in some cases, it takes about 3 years into marriage for things to break down. One case involved an American man and a Russian woman. He bent over backwards to get her over here, he even established connections in the local Russian community. Once she got over here, she learned English and got a driver's license and POOF! After three years, she was gone.

I was also talking to another woman on here a few months, ago, reader sash. She and I had our disagreements, but then suddenly she caught her man cheating on her, perhaps even as she defended him on here. They had been married for 3 years.

The lesson here is that marriage isn't the finish line.

I think it' s important to realize, Nursejo, that most people will date someone of the same ethnic background, skin color, country and/or religion. The reality is that long-standing, solid relationships are based more on similarities than differences.

This is why so many quick marriages fail. They are barely past what is commonly called the "Honeymoon" stage where everything seems spectacular, and then reality sets in.

There really isn't a way for anyone to know with 100% certainty whether or not this will work out, but from the situations and numbers I have seen, it's a gamble at best.

The biggest reason for this: What people do,-------and it's NOT just a Muslim male deal either------is wait until you are married to reveal who they really are. Then, they do a complete 180 turnaround because now you are in legal contract binded with whatever country you are in. Now, it's not so easy to leave, not without headache and loss.

A good friend of mine recently met up with a man she was seeing over the internet and talking on the phone with for months. She thought they were just friends, but when he came down to see her (they are both Catholic and from the USA), he was in love and totally not who she thought he was.

I'm convinced, Nursejo, that most women as of right now, even minus the adult sites, who have an on-line profile will NOT meet their Mr. Right on-line.

So, how could someone use someone else? Easy. Whenever a person is trying to sell something, one trick is get them to just give up and give in. Men can sense this weakness like a shark smells the blood of an injured seal. They want you to invest so much into the relationship that it will be just too hard to leave.

I dated a woman where our communication was mostly over the phone and myspace, and that was a disaster. She only lived an hour away. The warning signs were all there, but I didn't listen to them. She would tell me she didn't want to make-out, and yet on the same day offer oral to another guy.

There are plenty of people out there, especially young people my age, who WILL play games with you on-line simply because they have nothing better to do.

The warning signs are:

1) If he's on-line at 3 am local time, I'd forget it period. Trust me, that's when all the kooks come out to play

2) If he gets offended when you ask him questions. I've talked to women from all over the world, and the one's who weren't real (most of them) didn't like detailed, probing questions. They got all offended and tried to blame me. Watch out for this, because it's a trick that scammers and players use to guilt-trip a woman into giving in.

This doesn't always work, though.

3) Age difference---2 years isn't so bad, especially since you both have lived most of your lives as adults, but I have to say as a guy, i would have at least some issues dating a woman who is 2 years older than me.

4) He's on-line a lot but you see him as set to away.

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