For Lina: On-line dating across international borders

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Aug 26, 2008 at 21:16

Hi Lina:

It seems we agree on a lot of things, but here are a few things I wanted to point out. I've noted what you've written just to be clear.

Well I don't really know much about my parent's divorce, but my point was that the Moroccan man still had feelings for her even after he'd gotten his Visa, etc. So it's not like they all reap the benefits then run back to their wife in the mountains.

Not at first, they might not. What Dr. Pipes describes with the women who move to Saudi Arabia and literally try and convert the woman in the airport doesn't describe the mainstream of these relationships. Make no mistake, he is right, but usually once the visa is gotten, the imported bride/groom just doesn't walk out on a whim.

It may take months, even years for the real person to materialize. One such case was an American man with a Russian woman. She got over here, but didn't leave until about 3 years later just so she could get a license and learn English. Another woman on here I talked to caught her Moroccan man cheating after 3 years of marriage.

Lina, these things take time, and regarding your parents, well, they still got a divorce, so the love really wasn't that strong, and it's a word that's used pretty liberally these days.

And yes, I've heard the same thing over and over, that this one's "different", these women are so sure that they won't get cheated. I've seen it so often, men & women being scammed, and a lot of the time the women have an inkling that their new love isn't really into them nearly as much as they'd like to think - but they deny it because no one likes to think that their love was one-sided. Who does? But generally, it depends on the woman (or man). If a woman pours her heart out to anyone with a cute smile and a nice tan, she most likely will land up in tears at the end of it. If someone goes out actively looking for a holiday romance, she most likely will get done over, because it's all physical... but sometimes, genuine love just happens, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.

Genuine love doesn't happen over the internet, phone or from one night in Vegas, as they say. These relationships only increase the probability of divorce, which is pretty high to begin with anyway.

We're all on the same planet, just because there's borders between countries, it doesn't mean we should all stay away from each other and stick to our own.

The reason we have borders is because that is exactly what most people want, and it's what they prefer in a relationship.

We even have borders without law. Look at any major metro area on this planet. Do you see a lot mixing going on? No. Despite the liberal media's notion that race mixing is a good thing and should and does happen, the census figures (ie the FACTS) say differently. Most people want to be with people who think, act, and yes, EVEN look like them. Some of it is personal preference, but a lot of times it just boils down to basic biology, and any living thing will want to protect it's own genetic structure. That's the meat and bones of that whole idea.

If you read the posts on here carefully, you would note that many women are divorced or have had terrible experiences in relationships. Dating a man outside their country in many cases wasn't even their first choice, Lina. Had those marriages worked out, they wouldn't even be on-line talking to men from Morocco, Turkey or where ever.

Sometimes, a desire for a person to meet someone different to be different themselves and look like a class act are what drives this. I know, because I used to have the same wish. How cool would it be to show all your friends you were with an exotic person? You'd be in the spotlight and having fun.

Lina, these motives are not what genuine love is based on. Marius Panzeralla writes about something called a love balance scale in his 2004 e-book "Dating Secrets Revealed." This scale works on the simple premise: If age/race/culture/religion/national origin/eye color are an obstacle, his/her attraction for you will have to outweigh those. A lot of times it doesn't, because people don't realize this, or realize that attraction is only a small part of a relationship.

He also mentions relationship flexibility. I think a surprising amount of flexibility is needed in relationships of people who are similar, because once you get serious, there's a LOT of decision making to tackle. The reason why differences are an obstacle are because it means more flexibility, and the more flexibility you have, the more change there is, and fundamentally, most people don't like change. I've even seen women who defend their relationships groan over this on here.

You hit the nail on the head with understanding my reference as to why EU women convert to Islam in marriage to a Muslim man. They really aren't changing, because whatever religion they had really wasn't a big part of their lives in some cases anyways. I would imagine then that such charge is left to the man, who is happy as long as they are his religion even if the wife has little to no role.

Interracial, intercultural marriages are often talked about in terms of the women. However, Lina, more men in the USA do this kind of thing than women. And as far as on-line, international dating goes, well, it's actually been more dangerous for men than for women. You wouldn't expect it, but it does happen, and it's hardly exclusive to Moroccans.

I read an article in a recent issue of "Notre Dame" magazine, and one of the authors was talking about change. He was referring to the recent political campaigns in the USA, but he noted that calls for change always seem to ask for others to change. The person calling change isn't the one who changes.

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