To broken heart

Submitted by Amanda (Germany), Aug 31, 2008 at 12:47

Getting a therapist was an excellent idea - you sound much better now!

Do we only get into these situations because of a "desperate desire for love"? I wonder. If that's all there is to it, why don't we fall for a good-looking taxi driver or garbage man with 4 years of schooling in our own country? I think part of the explanation is that we're just not prepared for the behavior of North African men and suddenly we find ourselves in a situation we can't control anymore because all kinds of desires surface. Needless to say, I've had plenty of reason to ask myself about this.

Don't you get angry with yourself for having fallen for Hamid? He sounds downright sadistic! My case was a bit different because M. consistently tried to please me with little presents, showing me places he thought I'd like. Still, for months after therelationship ended, I was furious with him and kept thinking of scenes I'd like to repeat but differently this time! these thoughts were becoming obsessive until I began to suspect I was really furious with myself for having let myself be pressured to such an extent (marriage, of course - the old story) by someone who was no match for me in any respect. How could THIS happen to ME who's always (well, almost) on top of things, etc. etc. ??? .With this insight, I took a different tack and began to think I just wasn't prepared for the situation in North Africa - and if anything similar came up in future I would recognize the red flags, just as I do with other life situations in which I've acquired enough experience to see what's happening. These "scenes" that I played over and over in my head began to diminish and I can now even admit that we had some wonderful times together - a thought I couldn't allow myself when I was trying to get over him. Anyway, my question to you after you accepted so much crap from Hamid: Where is your rage?? You don't mention it, but it must be there somewhere. I'd like to know how you deal with it.

How about changing "broken heart" to something like "indomitable spirit"?

PS. It has taken me one year to get over M - and I'm not quite finished, so if you think it's taking too long, be patient with yourself.

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