Meeting people on vacaction

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Sep 7, 2008 at 14:31

Hi Hopeful! Thanks for sharing!

Well, I can see that you're not convinced that this will work out, and believe me, that is a good thing. If you were truly convinced (THAT would be naive), then you wouldn't need to be on here.

What brings a lot of women on here is that they are not sure, and a big reason is talking on the phone or even over chat or webcam is and never will be like dating in person. Most women seem to be able to pick up on male nonsense, but when you can't touch him, look into his eyes, or watch his body language, it gives him the advantage. We only communicate about 30% by our words. Everything else is timing and expression and touch.

You may be asking yourself "is it me? Am I just being paranoid?"

Absolutely not. Caution is very important in these cases to say the least.

What makes this even more difficult for women on this board, I think, is that these men appear confident. A lot of decent Western men aren't. The reason for this is that they have what is called the "I don't care" attitude. The ebook Dating Secrets Revealed discusses this. This is the attitude that male players have, because they aren't in love in the girl or just want to use her and lose her (like renting a movie). They also have lots of options to choose from, so if it doesn't pan out with you, eh, move on to the next! This, unfortunately, for the nice guys, is the attitude that women are attracted to.

As a man, I have noticed that women have this attitude naturally most of the time, because lack of interested men usually isn't a problem.

Now, Hopeful, you have met this man, but it really doesn't improve the situation a whole lot because you still communicate over distance. It's really important to realize that a phone conversation or an on-line chat cannot compare to a real date or night out.

It's up to you if you want to see this man, I personally would not do it. What a lot of people find out by dating over distance, even in their own countries to some extent, is that it can be an expensive hobby and really isn't worth the headache and anxiety. Sometimes, people do this because they think it's easier, but in reality if you want a successful, healthy meaningful relationship, then it takes even more work.

The other thing to understand about meeting someone on vacation: scammers and liars really know that you are relaxing and have your guard down. It's one reason why vacation ownership businesses in Hawaii, Mexico, Florida and Nevada get people to come to their presentations and then with a high-pressure deal.

I wouldn't count on him providing for everything, either.

You mention that he wouldn't leave Turkey, well, that's actually how most people in the Third World are. Sometimes, their desire to come the West comes down to being able to feed their families. Sometimes, it's for more sinister motives. The idea that everyone wants to come to the West is a MYTH.

Hopeful, the reality is you don't know this man. That's all there is to it. He could already be married for all you know, even if you do talk often. Remember, there are very traditional men who live in Turkey and his wife, if he had one, would have little say in what he does.

What happens a lot with international relationships is many of them are scams, and the ones that aren't, well, it tends to involve people who don' t understand the nature of cultural differences even if they are university-educated, so it's not likely for those to work either. I remember once 10 years ago in high school, a professor told me that we should go Asia were we to travel abroad because Europe is just like the USA. Well, I went to Scotland on my third trip outside of the USA, and I was surprised at how different culuturally the UK was despite our close ties politically.

So really this entire situation is a gamble at best. The success stories, well the ones that are successful SO-FAR, usually involve the women meeting the men in their home country, which tends to impact the cultural differences.

I would say even if you do go, don't limit yourself just to him. Don't shut out someone you might meet in real-life, Hopeful. I really think that most of the people who are on-line for dating won't meet a life partner on-line, even if you minus the adult and fling sites.

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