Could this be a red flag? Need Advice

Submitted by SLS (United States), Sep 20, 2008 at 05:13

Hello to Everyone,

I have been reading the comments on this site for some time now and some of them I found to be very helpful. I am married to a Middle Eastern man, and we are in the process of getting his visa to come to America. There are a few things going on in our relationship that some of the ladies on this site have mentioned to happen in their relationship.

Our marriage was speedy, because we both do not have a lot of money to travel back and forward until we can be together nor will my job allow me the time to visit him. He say he loves me and I care a great deal about him too, so we married during one of my visits to his country.

We keep in touch phone, text, and internet. Which is where we met. I would also like to mention I am a black/native american woman (but consider myself Black), and only a couple of years older then he is. We both are in our 40's. He is divorced, and he was advised by immigration to have court documents to show proof of his divorce. He has jokingly mentioned money to me a few times, but he realized I am not that type of lady so he doesn't bring it up anymore and he still wanted to marry me. I did tell him I will help with some of his expenses only when he gets the approval to come here. I have a job for him waiting with a friend of my family.

Now I am an attractive Black/Native American woman, get approached often by all types of men here in America. But it was something about him and I don't know what it was, but I fell in love. It is not about his appearance, there are lots of Native American men who are just as goodlooking as well as Latinos here in the U.S.

My concern is when we chat on the internet, I want his cam opened. He has no problem with that, but he doesn't want me to open my cam for him to see me. He say that it shuts his computer down when we try to watch each other at the same time. I don't know much about the internet to know if this could happen. He will also say he never ask anyone to open their cam when he chats with them (if he already know what they look like). Now I find that very disturbing, because I feel if you are apart and you love each other, you want to see each other sometimes. I don't know if this is a red flag that he is hiding something or am I just trying to find one.

Another thing that disturbs me is him wanting to leave his country before January of 2009. In the divorce he gave his ex-wife and kids a lump sum of money and agreed with her brother that he will start paying $500 monthly starting in January of 2009. This is the reason also why he will not tell his family about us. I have met several of his friends and his boss on his job, but he said if his family was to find out they would stop him from coming. His ex-wife and brother could then take him to court if they knew he has married again and about to leave the country. I did ask him was he trying to run away from his responsibility to his kids and ex, and he said no. I would have nothing to do with him if he didn't take care of his kids. That is why he wants to get a job as soon as he gets here to be able to send them what he promise. I think he feel that he can make more money here in the U.S. to take care of them and have a life of his own. The way he talks about his country, he can't make that kind of money there. He wants to someday bring his kids here with him.

Anyone please comment with any adivce you can give me. After reading my post are there any red flags I might be too blind to see. Thanks

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