Games they play....

Submitted by Keri (Canada), Sep 23, 2008 at 14:36

I think that we as women are conditioned to tolerate bad behavior. If you've ever had to ask yourself "Is this normal?" chances are, it's not. Is he warm one day, cold the next? Could be he's trying to decide the best course of action for his future. Are you THE ONE who will give him the best chance at a better life? Believe me, i have been up and down with this man. For two years we talked, and I told him many times I did not believe in "net love".

It was only after he came to the US that I started to develop feelings for him. I thought that I could believe him because at least he wouldn't want me for a VISA. I was wrong. I own a home, have a vehicle, a good career... everything that he wants to live off. He still finds it hard to believe that we work 8-10 hr days. Then we go home to our families, our children and their activities. He is used to going to the cafe with the men for hours, then eating late at night.

When he was with me, I made dinner twice. One for my kids at 5:30pm, and one for him at 9pm. He could not understand why my kids couldn't wait to eat. He could not unerstand why they went to bed at 8:30pm. When he was in Morocco, and it wa my birthday he called me twice and asked me to meet him online where he presented me with a "virtual bouquet" of beautiful flowers. HAHA! when he was with me in real, he did not even wish me a happy birthday and later when I asked him about it he said that "birthdays don't mean anything". When I told him that he knew it meant something to me, and that the previous year he went out of his way to court me he had nothing to say.

My daughter wanted him to come to her 7th b-day party and he said yes. On the day of her birthday he said he would rather stay at home and "Rest". He really disappointed her, and it was shortly after this that she told me that she didn't like him and wanted him to leave. I have to say that she definitely has better intuition than her mother. This was the first time that he showed a different side to himself, but my daughter picked up on it right away. He would phone me at work and say, "Habiba, I'mout of cigarettes, please pick some up for me". And when I brought them to him he would not pay me back. Sad to say this was a regular thing, but i didn't "feel" like I had a right to say anything. He kept saying, "Believe me, when you come to Morocco, I will spend all my monies on you."

My other Moroccan friend says that a man would NEVER NEVER allow a woman he loved to spend one penny on him. Not for a cup of coffee,not for cigarettes... nothing. He said that many men let women who like them spend money on them, then take these goods and services and give them to the women they really like. "Why spend their own money when they can spend yours"? I ended up having to buy him a ticket back to the USA because he overstayed his original ticket. I told him that I was pissed at this. And yet STILL had the audacity to ask if I would buy him a ticket back to visit me.

Even now, he continues to play games... in his text messages, emails, etc.... Hot and cold... trying to find out my mood and how accepting i will be with him. Trying to weigh his options... does he continue to pursue me, or go with the American convert that he met a few weeks ago? Who is more settled? Who will benefit him more? He does not know that I know about her. I found out about her accidentally. Its fascinating to watch the games that he is playing with both of us.

A huge red flag has been over children. I am 39. He is 34. He wants kids. I have told him many times that I will not have kids with him because I will not raise my kids in islam, while I am raising my girls in Christianity. It would never work. It would be ridiculous. This was the one thing stalling our future together.

He asked if he could take a 2nd wife and leave her in Maroc just so that he could have kids. He asked if I would reconsider. He said it was his duty to have children. Then about two months ago, he said that he wanted me without kids. This made no sense because up until this time he had said that he MUST have kids. Then suddenly, my love is more important? I don't buy it. From this point on, his behavior is different, more calculating, controlled, like he is playing chess... weighing his options, making his moves, and planning.

Believe me, i thought that after two years I knew this man. He changes and shows a bit more of his personality each day. Its a scary thing to see.

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