The folly of "modern" times

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Oct 11, 2008 at 22:48

To Hisham –

Your generalised comments relating to older women having relationships with younger men are disappointing and reaching back to the 70's. Did it ever occur to you that older women are seeking and accepting the advances of younger men because the women are still vibrant, independent and beautiful inside and out despite being in their 40's and 50's? They are still adventurous and love travelling whilst they leave their middle aged partners at home in front of the television or watching sports.

Well, Isis, if you're in a relationship with a conservative Muslim who shelters you in a burka and shuts you in the house, it's quite like watching sports, is it? Now, does that happen on here often? Probably not, because I have noted several times that many posts refer to North Africans and Turks and Egyptians, who have a different culture and outlook that Muslims in say Pakistan, the Arabian Peninsula and Persia, but conservative elements do still exist. I can think of one story where a man wanted his Italian girlfriend to give up riding her bike and another to listen to tapes of the Koran in Urdu during dinner.

It doesn't really matter how the woman feels if the man is using her, Isis. Whether you and the rest of the women on here like it or not, men my age KNOW that getting it on with a woman who is divorced has a better chance of happening in some, but not all cases, and really, looking for love across shining seas is kind of a sign of desperation to me, and even marketers intentionally target divorced women because of their vulernable state.

I understand why older women are attracted to younger men, but it must be understood these types of encounters RARELY lead to a relationship. Anyone who is expecting a relationship is usually pretty delusional, and I know the do-what-feels-good liberal media likes to scavange the earth for these stories, but I am telling you that most of those are doomed, Isis

They venture into the romantic Middle East and are courted by handsome young men and their whole world changes in an instant. Maybe they have found true love or maybe they haven't but the choice is still theirs to embark on that new found relationship.

Initially age is not a barrier and after a while it may be but you cannot judge these types of relationships because of your own preferences. I personally know of three relationships of this nature that are going strong after 5, 6 and 7 years together and I have no doubt that there are many more.

Age is a barrier, Isis, and even the dating sites concede this at their own expense. That's a pretty huge statement to me, because they are lackidasial at best for screening for the scams that occur on here and usually don't unless a customer reports them.

I notice how you mention this in the present tense, and I am not judging anything nor am I justifying my claims by just my preferences. There's a reason why you see more younger women with older men than vice-versa, and a lot of it has to to with basic biology and tradition.

If you are comfortable with the stereotype relationship with the man being few a few years older than the woman then that is your choice but obviously not the choice of many others across the cultures.

Provided the man isn't after a visa, money, sex or whatever.

I have personally noted that Egyptian culture is not forward thinking and quite staid. Egyptians are generally reluctant to accept new ideas and move with the times. This is why so many western women have problems adjusting to the Egyptian culture as the west has moved on and Egypt has stood still in many facets – ie women working, studying, travelling and even their attire. Christian women in Egypt still dress as the west did in the 50's. As much as I love Egypt I see this as a bigger problem in the mixed culture relationships than age differences.

The combination of differences is usually a recipe for trouble, yes, Isis. Studies continue to show that the most successful relationships are based on similarities, not differences. Dating someone just to be different is a terrible idea.

To Luigi –

Another comment that relates back to the 70's regarding the status of divorced women. Again, we are in the 21^st century not the 19^th.

Divorced women are no different from any other women.

As a young man and marketing agent, I disagree. I have noticed that women who are divocred at the VERY least are open to offers.

They are mature, intelligent women in the prime of their lives that have had a failed relationship and you seek to condemn them.

Actually, I don't seek to condemn anyone, I want to them to realize that there are sleezy men my age, the same men who get mocked for being too dumb on relationships because YOU think they aren't romantic like your charming Egyptian man or because they play videogames, but make no mistake, Isis, female desperation attracts young men like a shark to blood, and they will move in at the chance, and you'll be the one in tears while the guy will just shrug and say "whatever".

That is the point I am trying to get across, so don't try and bog me down with stereotypes. I know it doesn't apply in every case.

You say you are only 26 Luigi but your thought processes are those of someone with not much connection to the modern world.

What is that supposed to mean?

Your comments that divorced women need sex and affection more than others is puzzling and am I right to assume that you also believe that divorced men need more sex and affection too?

Let me put it like this: a divorce is a nasty process, and I'm careful with the women I meet to make sure I don't have to go through that again. In some cases, yes, the men are the ones left hanging while the woman is off with someone else and not giving it a second thought. A Catholic friend of mine who is a man told me that one day his wife just decided to buy a mini-skirt and start having affairs. I guess his feelings and the thought of their six children wasn't exactly

Get with it guys – its 2008 not 1978. If you want your advice to women on this forum to taken seriously then you need to need to adapt your attitudes to today,

Well, Isis, seems to me a lot of women are taking this seriously, since some posts are addressed to myself and Hisham.

There's really nothing more annoying than when someone says to "get with the times."

Here's what's going on, Isis:

More and more younger men seek out older women and vice-versa. Why? The divorce rates in these "modern" times are atrociously high, and the idea of these relationships is spreading to North Africa via toursim. For economic reasons (and a growing population), these countries are willing to put aside their cultural traditions to accomdate Western tourism, and like all travelers, the Westerners will bring a piece of their culture with them.

That includes sex, of course.

The young men are excited to get the exotic, light-skinned blonde who has been shown in the media for the last sixty years all over the world, and the women, who may have spent their lives figthing for feminist causes and/or putting their careers first, realize they now want a family and children---or at least a man, and they can either choose someone their own age--kind of like you said, but I'll go even further: a ruddy, balding, pot-bellied man who snores too loud (I'm getting this from an article that was posted on here a couple of months ago) or a young, fit, tall, tan man.

The choice is obvious.

You talk about Middle Eastern romance, Isis, but what is on going on here: sex vacations based on exotic looks and overall appearance. Not exactly something that Shakespeare, Chauer or the Muslim writers of the Middle East have in mind for play and song, is it?

You know, Isis, there are romantic guys left in the West, just like the Maghreb, Egypt, and the Middle East. The trouble is, a lot of these guys don't know that you have a be a leader and exert some power in order to attract a woman. Part of the reason is the modern media, and I see this all the time: If only the guy would just declare that he likes the girl! It's all about having the courage to tell her that! But dating guru Marius Panzeralla says otherwise: You aren't supposed to do this, until she says so first or untl you know she likes you. Telling someone you like them when they don't feel the same way creates an awkward air.

That's just one example of the unfortunate modern times, Isis.

As far as my view, I think I see it pretty clearly. I dont' think that a lot of the posters who are older than I am realize the level of coniving deciet that occurs over the internet. It's nothing like a salesman at the door or a phone-call, because the internet isn't even regualted, Isis. Hisham and I have already said it's bad enough with pen pals and phone relationships, but in regards to the net, the authorities are more than a step behind, to say the least. That's why terrorists, child pornographers, animal abusers, teenagers who fight each other on you-tube, record and movie pirates are emoboldened in their cause.

Naturally, most of the regulation that is currently happening is going up against these crimes, not against dating scammers.

Combine the lack of enforcement with the dark nature of the people who frequent the internet---ugh---with some of the stories I've heard, it's like finding a date in a back alley. Those are the kind of people who are out at 3 am. Why would anyone expect the internet to be any different?

Isis, Hisham and I have been through this. We are trying to get the word out, and we're not trying to insult anyone's gender or culture. Sometimes, the truth hurts.

So, after everything I have said, if we don't who will? I mean, these posts that were on here in 2006 and 2007 of "no, don't do it" just won't cut it.

And I know that most women aren't just going to push back from the table on a whim---no one would, I didn't. That's why I have to give out reasons, even if it might hurt feelings. What I say probably isn't always perfect in the way that Jesus was perfect, but I give it as much effort and time as I can, I'd like to think. I know Hisham tries pretty hard to, and he and others are even willing to shed others of their own culture in a bad light if it helps others. Because no one should have to go through this.

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