Hello Sleepless

Submitted by Donna (United States), Oct 13, 2008 at 18:57

I can just offer you my experience which has been very painful for me and my child. First, please do not forget the feelings of your children. My Moroccan husband was not a father figure; in fact, he was more like another child that I did not bargain for. He was needy and often jealous of my child and the fact that I was, for instance, paying for a good education for her, buying her a computer, etc. She definitely felt this, although their relationship was civil. A new marriage, especially to a foreigner, and certainly a divorce, take a big toll on the children.

Also, please consider how, if he were to come to the States, he would support himself. Whatever skills he has may very well not translate to those necessary in the States. My husband thought of himself as an electrician but since he was not licensed and did not read well enough to complete schooling here, he could not get work as such. Does he read and write English well? Even if he does, he may have to resort to fairly menial jobs, at least at first. He may not be happy having to complete these jobs if he is accustomed to living in the family home where he does not have to concern himself very much with the bills. It will really wear on you after awhile if you have to carry all or most of the weight .... and you deserve a partner in this! On the other hand, if you would move to Egypt, how could you possibly supoort yourself and your children? I sort of doubt that he will be up to the task of this.

I myself never thought that the age difference (13 years in my case) was an issue. We got along great in the beginning and enjoyed each other's company. There was an issue of immaturity however (see remarks about jealousy above).

I wish I did not have to be so negative. These relationships could work out, I guess, except I haven't seen any that have worked out past five or six years. I would just recommend that you take it as slow as you would if you met someone here in the States and do not let any developments such as his father putting him out sway you to move faster. First, it seems to be a bit of a guilt trip. He is a man, right? So he needs to be able to take care of himself whatever his circumstances, before you can expect him to take care of you and your needs.

Try to get some sleep and please take care.

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