Response to Lisa and a complete deconstruction of the man-defense argument

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Oct 14, 2008 at 19:03

First off, The age has nothing to do with why I am dating Mohammed. I could care less if he was 50 as long as he is a good man and like I said I have no doubts.

If you have no doubts, why are you scouring the internet looking for this? People just don't end up on Dr. Pipes's site at random.

There is definitely a reason why you are on here.

And again, allow me to reiterate that you would LIKE to think that you know him, but until you spend a great deal of time with him in person, you simply cannot know the real him.

...Furthermore, you say you are 26 and not interested in a serious relationship with a much older woman.

I don't date older women because I wouldn't be serious about it. I guess it's too bad most of the men referenced on this site don't think the same way, but like any good salesperson, they'll work with what the consumer demand gives them. And it that is gullible women reeling from a previous relationship, they'll take it. Happens in bars all the time.

Don't get all bogged down in the romance and fervor of making your man something he isn't. That's how heartbreak happens.

That is your preference but you CAN NOT speak for all young men..

No, but I can speak for most of them and I can clearly see that like so many others, you think your relationship is real. I've read ALL of this before, Lisa, whether its Western man saying how divorced older women make easy lay-prey, or how Moroccan men sit in a café and bet on who can get a woman to them she loves them first.

Really, it's more a young, immature male thing than anything else that supercedes cultures. I guess some readers on here want to cover their ears and hum at that, but:

The FACTS are the MOST younger men will NOT date an older woman; the bigger the age difference, the less likely it will work out.

.Inf act my step father was almost 10 years younger than my mom and he was with her happily for years until he passed away......I look 30 or less...Im told this all the time and sometimes I am mistaken for my son's girlfrnd when I am out in public with him....so for you to say its a RED FLAG because I am older he is younger...You do not know how this man feels about me or how much he is attracted to me...You know neither of us....

Again...how many times do I have to say this man has never asked or nor have I had to offer any help with money! Guilt trip? What guilt trip? For 9 months he has not whined or acted like he has needed anything other than my love.

Asked? I never said asked, I said enticed you to offer.

Strippers and some waitresses use the same tricks on men; it's all the same to me.

... This family lives in a home worth over $450,000 oh but I guesss that is not his home as well just cause he sleeps there and you are forgetting I am going there next month and I will meet his family in person and I have his half brothers wedding photos with him

Photos can be easily faked. Teenagers on myspace do that all the time. During my investigation of Russian and Nigerian dating scammers, I found that most of the pictures were stolen off of a Hawaiian models website.

Two female co-workers of mine recently had photos stolen. One was 16, the other 19. Whoever stole them made two fake myspace accounts, one of which was being to solicit men for cybersex.

Scammers and people who work on-line don't always do so from their own home, and I am sorry to hear that you will, in all likelihood, be wasting your time.

and sister and younger brother and entire family in them and guess what his brother married a French lady much older than me and he has money and is supporting her....but you say younger guys do not marry older ladies.....and he is not a Saudi...they are extreme Islamists...totally different from a Moroccan.

Its not an excuse...You are not always right! He is trying to hold out on surgery (internal hemmroid so nothing major) we already have had my vacation and abscence planned at work and ticket purchased "BEFORE" he went to the Doctor at my request to rule out any cancerous conditions because I was worried...His condition has absolutely nothing to do with our marriage plans....We are just hoping it does not cause us to have to wait til the new year to finish out our plans but if his condition is worse by Friday he will have the surgery and again his relative Doctor will do the surgery.....I already agreed to marry this man...he does not have no agenda to speed up anything.

No one is always right, but pretty much everyone on here who wants advice wants to think what they have is real. Many of the posts on here have red flags, like yours, and of the ones that are not red flags, well, cultural differences will see to it that some of those don't work out. So, in reality, the odds aren't too good.

Your statements here contradict themselves, you say it won't affect your plans, yet you will have to wait? Do you know what's going on here, Lisa? Because you seem lost as you are writing this.

If all goes as we think it will and we see we love each other even more while my stay in Morocco we are to be married during my stay or start initializing paperwork....I think I first talked about marriage myself because we have went over each's views and what we would like out of a marriage,,,,, It was my choice to do quick marriage in Morocco instead of USA

The whole "going over our views" thing doesn't work unless you are both honest….so….

Quick marriage is that I am not requesting a Moroccan wedding! I have 15 days there!!

Yeah, cause that is SO much time to decide, Lisa.

This may not be enough time to even have the marriage and we are both fine with this if it does not happen this trip.....

If he has bad motives, of course he would be okay with it!

We have next year to finish planning.....I married my daughter's father at the courthouse so "quick marriage" lasted 20 years...i was not written to mean I have to marry him "RIGHT NOW"...so again you are constantly looking for red flags and there is none....

A quick marriage is a perfect recipe for a quick divorce no matter who it is to. If there are international and cultural differences, the chance of success is even less.

again, you always have an answer don't you,lol....it was no lavish hotel!! His youngest sister was getting married and I got to watch the wedding from my cam...I have pictures of Mohammed when he was in college years at this same home.....no hotel setting and you keep forgetting I will visit this home...not some hotel.....His father is a wealthy man thus nice large home...one of the largest in El jadida.

Again, pictures don't prove much at all---stolen, made up, that's usually the case.

I don't have to prove anything to do...You make your post and your ... opinions and I am entitled to show my side to rather you agree or not......

No, but I think you at least owe it to yourself to look at this from a critical point of view.

I don't know you...I don't know anybody on this board but yet you want to tell me what is right for me because you had a fling on the internet that did not work out and you got with some cheating girl and you are only 26!

Yet below here you write how immature I am, supposedly less mature than your man. If you think I am immature, you're right, you don't me. Most people think I am 40 or older by the way I act, and looking at how the mods have edited your comment, I don't think you're in much of a position to be lecturing me about maturity.

A fling? No, it wasn't a fling. I thought it was for real, Lisa, just like you think your so-called "engagement" is real.

You forget I have a 23 year old...You are a kid trying to tell grown women what is best for them because you say you have all this experience..

I don't care if you have a 50 year-old. Your presence on here is screaming with red flags that I have seen so many times before.

I'm telling them this because

a) I've experienced it, more than once mind you and

b) I've investigated it and

c) Most of the women on here are divorced, and in some cases desperate, kind of like your situation. It means that you are ripe to be taken advantage of, and I don't care how many women on here DON'T like me saying it, but I KNOW if I wanted to get laid this weekend all I would have to do is sign up for the same sites that the men on here do and it's away we go.

d) Most of the posters are much older than me, but many have been in long-term relationships and have never used the internet for the purpose of finding someone. Information about dating scams is not exactly reported on mainstream channels, because it's next to irrelevant considering that terrorists, child pornographers and extreme teenage stunts and cyberbulling and child sex solitication are the primary concerns of law enforcement; copyright infringement in regards to organization.

So, you see, Lisa, the reality is, no one else CARES!! Should this engagement of yours go sour, you will understand. Those who are in TRULY stable relationships don't need to come on here and write long essays. So instead of running of on how much you "love" this man, how about actually responding to my questions. So far, no man-defender really has.

So, again, Lisa: Where is your man as you are writing this and why are you on here?

.plzzzzzzzz you have not been around long enough to know much about life experiences and until you are...then you come back and tell these 40 plus women what they should and shouldn't do and how ignorant they are being...

Age and education have little to do with intelligence in this modern era, and you can thank post-modern liberalism for that.

I don't tell people what to do, I simply test their conclusions, and it's really amazing at many experienced women with advanced degrees fall for this nonsense. Maybe it's all that baggage known as cultural diversity training.

..the fact is you want to "FINGER POINT" look at yourself....a person who has to always be right....have to have the last word......everyone else is stupid because only you know best,lol.....

Sorry, but this isn't topix or facebook, and this forum isn't about who is right and wrong and who has the last word.

The last word or me being right isn't the issue. The issue is do you want to waste all your time and money chasing after something that isn't real?

..26 is way less immature than a 32 year old so don't tell me what he likes or doesn't like.....I would chose him any day over an arrogant -know it all jerk like you who just happens to be good with writing..

Well, you wouldn't have the opportunity, because I don't date older women, and besides, I doubt my writing skills have less to do with it as compared to his skin colour, age and looks, right?

.so now i said it! Shame on me but I work with someone just like you....so annalyze this post too cause we all know you are good at tearing everything apart to benefit you and your beliefs.

I rarely interject my beliefs, I just stick with the facts. And the facts that most of the relationships talked about on here have failed or will fail.

and by the way I just talked to my man and he is going to bed so I am sick of you always asking the ladies on here "oh where is your man while you post" well least they have one!!!

Your lady saw you maybe as the jerk you are and knew to get away fast.

If you're referring to the myspace woman, I left her the second time, and she has been trying to get back together with me. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's because I am handsome, dashing young man like your Mohammed,--or Mohammed and whatever his plans are--- far from it. It's because I gave her money and took her out a lot. Seems as though in your anger (which again, if your relationship was so great, this shouldn't bother you), your judgment is being clouded, and well, I wouldn't advise making major decisions with that mindset---like getting married. :D

So tear this apart all you wish because regardless mohmamed is a much better man than YOU WILL EVER "GROW UP" TO BE!!!!!! and you have a lot of growing up to do before you become this EXPERT on marriage and love that you so desperate think you know!!

I was wondering when someone was going to mention expert on MARRIAGE, except for one thing: this forum at it's heart isn't about martial problems, it's about international, on-line, distance dating, which I have…oh, 6-7 years experience in. And you aren't even married yet, and if you were, would it be a true marriage, or just ink on a legal document?

The thing is, I'm not desperate, which is probably why I've been able to avoid the same on-line headache that you seem to have. I'm not the one who is on here all huffy and puffy and asking for third-party advice on a blog about a marriage that is clearly happening way to fast for me, which is what the man wants so you have less time to process what is going on.

The bottom line is that most of the stuff on here is common sense, ok? The reason why so many men and women get into trouble with is they fail to see past the trivial and allow their emotions (usually based on how the other person looks) to overrule something they ordinarily wouldn't tolerate.

As far as my expertise, I've more than happy to share my findings with local psychologists who are older than I am and really don't understand the complex nature of the dating sites, myspace, facebook, ect. There has never been anything like it before in that sense, but as Hisham and I have pointed out, there are well-documented cases involved strange distance relationships that have ended in bizarre ways to say the least.

Basically, Lisa, what you are saying and keep saying is nothing new at all. There is nothing unique about your situation and no matter how angry you get with me or how many insults you fire at me, it will never ever change the nature of the truth of your relationship with Mohammed.

As I said, you don't HAVE to trust anyone---either you do, or you don't. Deep down, I don't think you possibly can.

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