Hunny

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Oct 16, 2008 at 18:30

Hunny,

Firstly, it's quite undignified in Islam for a Muslim man to ask a woman for money, no matter how desperate the situation. It's the man's responsibility to provide for the woman, and most men know this. A proud Muslim man would never rely on a female to provide for him. Therefore it's best to let the guy know - early on in the relationship - that if he respects you, he won't ask for financial support. Because usually, the guy will ask for more and more as time goes on, if you offer it to him on tap. Assert your role as woman, not provider.

It's easy for anyone to be sweet on the internet. Everyone will be sweet if they want something. I've had men tell me they love me after the 1st date, because it's what us women want to hear! I know it's hard to ignore sweet words, but please don't get too hooked yet. I've known Moroccan men who were so romantic at first, and then turned into miserable old so-and-sos after a few years.

Also, regarding his family, this behaviour is quite unusual for a Moroccan family, but it happens, and if it's like this now, it's unlikely to stop. They are probably very close, and family usually comes before anything else. It doesn't matter how poor they are, it's not your job to give them gifts, you're not Santa.

If he truly loves you, he will accept your religion, although it will be hard for others to accept it in the muslim community. But it depends, is he a Conservative muslim? Some Moroccans are more liberal. What he did, hiding your passport was wrong, and shows that he is quite controlling. It's not acceptable, Hunny. If he can hide your passport, what else can he hide? Even if he couldn't bear to see you leave, he could've told you in other ways.

It is just horrible, but what you said about Moroccan men divorcing western women and ending up with Moroccan girls is indeed quite common. But it's not always the case. There are obviously trust issues between you and this man, which you need to work out before you even think about getting married. Can't he go to an internet cafe? They are quite cheap to use in North Africa.

You need to be more demanding, and if he respects you he will listen. You need to know where he is when he's absent, it hurts to know, but he could be chatting up other women. I've seen this happen before. If he thinks you're passive, he will take it for granted. Also try to learn some Arabic.

Good luck

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