Thoughts for "just a thought" Debunking the "person who lives next could be bad" excuse Thoughts on the faltering education of the West

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Oct 18, 2008 at 12:33

thanks for sharing, and I understand your attraction to this man.

First of all, if you are so confident in your on-line fling, why are you even on here or looking for information about this on-line? We both know you didn't stumble across this site by accident, and if you're so sure, why come here? Did you read some of the other posts and what Dr. Pipes wrote above the comment section?

It's very unwise to dispense advice and direct others on a blog without first reading and appreciating what is going on.

Wow, that was a little harsh. I met my guy on a program on facebook that i joined to entertain myself while I was doing homework. As for being "uneducated"

If you are going to post on here, understand that many women have been hurt pretty badly. Some have gotten a double-edged sword and pursued this on-line nonsense after a divorce, and your remarks are kind of insensitive, justathought.

I was valedictorian of my class and I'm graduating in the top 10% of a major university in a microbiology degree.

As far as on-line dating goes, that's pretty much irrelevant. Women with more advanced degrees than yours have fallen head over heels for this. Getting an education here in the West usually means indoctrination in one way, shape or form. If anything, all that nonsense about multiculturalism and tolerance and diversity taught at Western schools helps the scammer in ways he cannot even begin to imagine.

People can find love online, they can find it anywhere.

But they usually don't. Most people who date on-line will NOT find their true love on-line, especially on here as it is resoundingly clear that folks on this have and in some cases continue this: base the relationships entirely on appearance or dating someone across the sea to show off their relationship and how tolerant they are.

This is really nothing new; in fact, it happened during the civil rights era, people dating outside the race just prove they weren't racist. Did your university education teach you that?

My brother met his wife online, they are happily married with two kids. My uncle met his wife online and he they are happily married.

The notions of this pertaining to this board are:

1) Did they live near each other?

2) Marriage isn't the finish line. Whether it's Western men or women who date on-line, the relationship (marriage) does not usually falter overnight. It can take months, even years. I can think of two cases where the marriage failed after 3 years. One was with a Russian woman and American man, the other involved reader "sash" on this blog.

I wasn't looking for love online, I was just messing around. I may be young, but just because you meet someone online doesn't mean they are a bad person.

The golden rule about meeting people on the internet: They are ALL on-line for a reason and they can pretend to be anybody.

People have interacted socially for what 1-2 million years without the internet? It is NOT a necessary function to find friends or a sig. other.

I've talked to women who didn't sound like women at all, for starters. My most recent experience involved a conservative Catholic woman. She kept on saying we will talk on the phone, and over the course of a month and a half, it didn't happen, and I caught her talking to other people.

Also, if you are on-line talking to people at 3 am their time, that's a problem. See, NORMAL people are in bed at that time. You want to know who is out then? Drug dealers and people without jobs. Yeah, those guys will make REAL great husbands.

The person you meet "sitting next to you" can lie to you just as easily, and say the things you want to hear. You just have to be careful.

I know my man is for real because

1. He doesn't always tell me what I want to hear and he keeps all his promises to me,

It's pretty easy to keep promises made on-line. As far as telling you what you want to hear, well, if necessary, dating scammers will go so far as to threaten to end the relationship

2. I'm poor, he's definitely not wanting to marry me for money,

Have you ever been to Turkey? People in the Third World may perceive us as rich no matter what you tell him. Besides, they rarely ask for money, they usually come up with some sob story to try and get you to offer. That's the difference between a good salesman and a beggar.

3. He wants to live in Turkey, so he's not after my green card,

There are plenty of other motives besides a green card. I've heard that excuse on here several times before.

4. I'm a virgin and I told him we aren't having sex until marriage and he's OK with that.

Listen to what you are saying: You're assuming you're going to marry a man you've never even met. Seems like his techniques are working pretty well here, and yes, to get you thinking along the lines of "we will" is a trick that players use.

A lot of guys say that "I can wait", but this is probably the one thing they change their mind on. Don't be fooled into thinking that because he is from a more traditional culture or country or is Muslim that he isn't interested in sex. In fact, some of these men see Western women as easy play-things that to practice on and play with.

I can remember reading a story about a man named Hamid from Sweden. Hamid was a Muslim immigrant (they need immigrant because their socialist elite attacks Christianity left and right, so people have no morals and are too selfish to raise kids) who went around and slept with Swedish women. When asked if he would marry one. Hamid smiled and said "I wouldn't marry a Swedish sl--(smiles, catches himself), woman, I mean." He said when he was ready, he would marry someone from his own culture.

I also remember when a few Somali men in Norway were interviewed about Norweigan women. These were men around my age (26). When asked about the women, they ended up laughing one said "well, they are okay in bed."

Even though you say you want to wait and are a virgin, you would not be seen as such by many Muslim men. Again, I'll bet you didn't learn that in college either, did you?

5. Its not me that is obsessing over him, its the other way around. He's always writing, getting online to talk to me, asking me what happened if I don't communicate with him.

The word for that insecurity, and the real question is: Would you tolerate that from a Western man? Or do his looks and charming sweet text chats allow him a free pass? That's where most women on here get into trouble.

You also seem to think that taking risks aren't good things.

Simply attempting a serious relationship is taking a risk. It seems to me that a lot of people date on-line becuase it's easier. I've done it, and as a guy, my confidence went WAY up when I talked to a woman on-line as opposed to going on out on a formal date. It's a lot easier for the guy, and who knows? He could have five pop-up windows titled HOW TO TALK TO A WESTERN COLLEGE GRADUATE.

There all kinds of sites out there that teach a guy how to get with women your age, justathought.

Let me just say this: Western men who do international dating in some cases risk their lives. A couple have even been killed. Be careful on how dispense your advice from a biased perspective. I was talking to woman from Suriname once and she wanted to meet me in the remote foothills of southern Mexico. Gee, I wonder why.....

Maybe I'm just brave, but I'd go for something I want and risk losing it all, just for the possibility of gaining everything.

If I had to wager at Vegas, I'd say you're more likely to lose everything, and I mean EVERYTHING...your sanity, your savings, and your free-will. Are you aware that there are women who are literally trapped in Saudi Arabia and no government, not even those "heroic" and tolerant EU nations, can do anything about it? Why? Because NO country will EVER risk damaging international relations over someone's stupid choice to get into a bad relationship. Again, did your professors tell you about that? I'll bet not.

See, here's the problem: Of the relationships on here that are not scams, justathought, some of those will fail due to cultural differences and the lack of contact over distance.

The best things in life are the ones you had to sacrifice for. I don't know....I've had my heart broken before, it took me a long time to get over it, but I DID GET OVER IT. And so I know that I could do it again if that were the case.

So you say, but I don't think you'd be so positive should that actually happen. See, international dating scammers aren't like the Nigerian 411 scammers or a nervous salesperson. They are very patient and will wait until you have invested emotionally and financially into this. That is the technique they use with women. With men, all they need is a hot model picture in some cases and they guy is digging into this bank account.

The idea is to get you so involved that you feel like there is no turning back.

You are telling me that you shouldn't take a chance for love just because you might get hurt?

No, I'm telling you not to take the chance because you are going to waste a lot of time, money, emotion and maybe even your freedom, especially since you aren't looking at this outside the box. I wouldn't be surprised if in college they didn't teach you to do that either, because if they had, you may actually find out your profs, college admin and TA's were WRONG.

And yes Mr. Charming is so very cute, inside and out. Of course...it takes one to know one. ahaha....anyway, I've never dated anyone based on their outer appearance.

Well, I guess there's a first time for everything, isn't there? See, because you have what he wants you to see, of course you are going to be attracted to him! But based on what? You haven't met him in person, so you really don't know him, therefore, much of this IS based on appearance, isn't it?

Their inside is what makes them beautiful to me.

Yet as of right now, all you REALLY know about is the outside....

Most of the people I've dated, nobody else considered them attractive and they were always asking, what is SHE doing with HIM??? But thats because those people are seeing with their eyes not their hearts.

No matter how nice you try and make it sound, you are NOT dating him! Dating means going out on ACTUAL dates. When you are talking on-line, you have at best 30% of the communication you have on a date. That is what

"Do it the right way". There is no "right way" to find love, Love finds you. Be brave, and if you are afraid about your man playing games with you, be clever yourself.

How about do it the SMART way. As in finding someone who lives close to you, even if it's a little bland because he doesn't have more melanin in his skin or is of the same religion.

We women are not stupid.

Being at the top of your class and having a slip of paper saying you attended a Western uni doesn't make you smart either.

Dating on-line internationally isn't a smart thing, it's a naive thing, and your argument is unorginial and like so many others, I think this will end for you in heartache.

Try to look past his flattery and just listen to how he talks to you normally, how well you two play together. This is how you know if its real. And all marriages are challenging, maybe interfaith marriages are more so.

Want to know how it's real? When you are legally tied to this man, married for a few decades That's when you'll know if it's real. Thing is, I haven't seen a case like that on here, and I probably won't.

In many cases, interfaith, intercultural marriages don't work because of the differences. Despite the phase "opposites" attract, people who are in stable, successful relationships are more similar than different.

But I think many people are up for that challenge.

From data I have seen from the State Department and from the number of posts on here, I would say not. And that is consistent with the census data in any country, most of the time people will date:

1) Within their own race

2) Within their own faith

3) WIthin their own country

No amount of liberal propaganda on the biased concepts of "tolerance and diversity" or multiculturalism will EVER change that, because most people don't like change.

I understand how you feel, because I've been there myself. But if you really want to be happy, you're going to have to look at this from an outside perspective, or you will be blinded, and it won't take him forever to figure that out. It's a natural male biological inclination to sense desperate and naive women, like a shark finds blood.

Meeting people on facebook, myspace or MSN is one of the worst ways to find a husband. Yes, millions of people use those sites, but everyone I know who does uses them ONLY to talk to people they have met in person and to stay in touch with friends from school.

Don't be fooled by the numbers, and don't let his charms fool you.

The kind of people who frequent the internet are people without jobs, play games, have mental/social disorders, are scammers. Very few people on-line are geninue, and I can say that because I've done on-line dating before and I've investigated it.

Like Dislike

Submitting....

---

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".