Dear Kim...A franc for these thoughts...Muslim, Catholic, Moroccoan, Hisham, baby racist

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Oct 20, 2008 at 22:01

Hey Kim!

Well, let me just say that I am a practicing Catholic also, and welcome, and thanks for sharing! It may not have been the easiest thing to post your story on a public blog.

Your story is short, but there is a lot to talk about here!

First of all, it's good that you recognize there are differences. This is the mistake that a lot of people make. They say things like "well I am colorblind", but I don't think ANYONE is colorblind. Hisham was telling me about how all of us have a "baby" racist, and what I think he is referring to is that we feel more connected with people who think and look like us. There's a fine line where that is the evolution of life where creatures with similar genes are more likely to defend those genes and just being an arrogant racist.

I think it's easy for a couple---or a person---to pretend that they have automatically ascended past these differences, or that they don't matter.

They do, Kim, and that's not a bad thing, but again, it's important to recognize what those are. Scammers get a lot of women on this one. When I was doing my little investigation, if I asked deep, probing questions, the women would tell me how rude I was and act all offended in order to get me to back-off.

He says he Is a Muslim. But what exactly does that mean? Osama bin laden claims to be a Muslim, yet we have Muslims in the UK who don't want the big mosque to built in London. I know of a Muslim radio host in Indiana who eats pork.

It's important to know where he stands as a Muslim. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to read what Dr. Pipes has written on this site about Islam. Another mistake that is made on here is that if you look at Islam, or really the religion of your partner, at a 100% positive perspective because of fear of being called a racist or islamophobe, well, you're not getting the whole story and again that's a problem.

It's safe for me to assume that you think along the lines I do that most Muslims are not bad people, and I cannot empahsize strongly enough that aside from using the womb of Western women to populate the world for the grand ol jihad, men from any and every culture will lie to be with the woman they like.

I can say that because I am a guy, and have done that in some respects myself. See, the thing about religious men is that in the Western world, they may hide who they truly are, and that comes in all shades of gray from just not talking about it, hoping you'll just not bring it up out of shame or fear to blantant deciet used by on-line scammers.

It sounds to me, Kim, like this is a real-life relationship. So, at least you have that, but Yasemin has cautioned me more than once on here that that alone does not mean this man is genuine. It's really critical that you treat this man as you would a fellow Irishman were you dating one, and do NOT be fooled by some of the runaround on here or on other blogs: MANY, if not MOST intercultural relationships are based on appearence in some way shape or form and ESPECIALLY so when women feel like they cannot find someone worthwhile in their own ethnic or religious background.

This must sound harsh, but having studied and been involved in such dating patterns, it's the truth.

The biggest concern I have for you is that you have a child. This is because, Kim, and as a marketing agent myself, I can tell you this: single women with kids are seen as easy prey by some men, especially if you are acting desperate. Being a single Mom and/or being divorced is hard, and it's very understandable why so many women on here are seeking true love elsewhere or with people of different backgrounds.

But whether your man is Moroccan or not, I think you MUST be aware of that fact, and I'm telling you this as a guy who has heard men from middle America to Morocco talk about how easy women in these situations are. I would say, ladies, the choice is in your hands. Some of them have sought only sex, and then they want more, but it doesn't happen and they are worse off than before.

I'm kind of giving you a general answer here in case you don't respond, but here are the red flags we have been talking about:

1) Money. I would not even advise you to loan money to co-sign anything with your family or best friend. Nearly every single arbitration case I have seen deals with couples who live together without marriage or finanical affairs between cousins, parents, siblings, grandparents, you name it. It's happened more than once in my family and it is a rotten experience and neither the court nor the embassy is not going to cry sympathy for you either.

I often hear in man-defense posts "He's never asked for money." Well, who does these days except the homeless?

They rarely do ask for money, but they will try and get you to offer, much like waitresses and strippers do. Sob stories, stories about hospitals. Very common to hear those, especially on-line. In fact, the biggest excuse we have in our marketing agency for people who miss appointments at the resort are things like "death in the family." I mean, come on! I even signed up for a religious dating site once, and I got the word "hospital" about five times over a period of two months. ugh......

2) An age difference. Women can argue with me until they are blue in the face about how younger men SHOULD marry and love older women just like we see so often in the converse, but it just is not catching on. I'm not saying it NEVER happens, but after being on here for 9 months, it just seems like EVERYONE thinks they've got the real thing!

I can state the biological and social traditions as to why these relationships don't materialize, but the FACT of the matter is, they often do not.

Look, if you were talking about flings, that's a different story. But people who want temporary flings aren't the ones on here writing long essays or asking for help, because ultimately, they don't care as long as they get what they came for. And I can tell that you don't want to waste time, and that's good. You're much further along than I was with my myspace woman. Heck, she was cheating on me and stealing from my bank account even as I defended her. People like that do exist.

3) If there is anything I can tell women on here, it's that don't fall for the idea that religious men don't like sex. They do, but even if you end up doing it, it doesn't mean he's changed.

4) Inconsistent stories. Honestly, any guy who does this is pulling your chain.

5) Whatever you do, don't let '"cultural differences" or the idea that there are "good men and bad men everywhere" become an excuse. I see that said too often on here. If he screws up, don't waste your time no matter how exotic or handsome he is.

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