Dear Rose11, a heartfelt response

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Oct 31, 2008 at 16:43

Hi Rose, thanks for sharing, I would guess that it was not the easiest thing in the world to post that.

My concern here as a guy are here as follows:

1) The dominant tendencies that you see. These will NOT go away. People who are religious (I'm a religious Catholic by many of today's standards) are NOT likely to change at all. If anyone changes, it will be YOU, Rose.

It does not matter if you are the most hard-core feminist activist, even they are yielding to radical, conservative Islam in Europe, and in a relationship, I would say the man wins 10 out of 10 times in these cases.

His culture plays a role, yes, and not all Tunisian men are like that, but he clearly is, and I can pretty much promise you, Rose, that because of the communication gap over distance AND because of the fact that some religious men hide their feelings on the subject, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

2) You meet him on holiday. Getting people on vacation is a classic sales trick. Vacation ownership companies love to do this for two reasons:

a) You are relaxing and off guard

b) You don't have kids along

Gives them the optimal environment to sell something.

What does this have to with you? Scammers and liars pretty much do the same thing, even if they don't realize it. Some of them just see Western women as easy. It can be as simple as that.

3) He's never asked you for money, but has tried to get you to offer? A lot of women on here say "but he's never asked me for money". People rarely do, they more or less try and guilt trip you into it.

4) You mention mental support. If you have a mental illness, Rose, the best advice I can give you is too see a trained specialist. A lot of people who do on-line or distance dating have this issue. I can see why clever scammers would prey on such people as they do divorced women; they see you as vulnerable.

There is no shame in having a mental illness, but it is something you need to recognize and deal with, because, like I said, people may take of advantage of that.

The thing is Rose, even if you are not really ill, trying to find acceptance through a man in another is a poor way to go about it. Men like him will tell you whatever you want to hear. When I was investigating on-line scams, the women were more than happy to talk to me about honesty and all that while through their teeth. I dated a woman once I met on-line who lied to me for nearly 2 years with a straight face.

5) What I would say, Rose, is to end this relationship. Go out and meet new people in your area, hang out with friends, go and see your family, treat yourself to something special. It may not be something you can do right this instant, but please, please, do not fall for this. His behavior will only get worse as time goes on. Ask yourself, Rose, would you tolerate this from a Polish man? Somehow, I think not.

I'm also not convinced that this is real love, but more along the lines of infatuation. Real love does not seem to happen over such lengthy distances, as illustrated on here.

I'm sure that this is not easy to hear. It never really is, and I think that's why this kind of thing is really unfair, but I really do not see this getting any better, Rose, it just does not happen.

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