How do I get the recognition and respect from him that I want?

Submitted by Titia (Denmark), Nov 1, 2008 at 15:32

Hello! My name is Titia and I am a young protestant woman from Europe. Since a year I have been married to a Muslim man from the Middle East. Throughout my life I have moved around a lot. I met my husband in the current country I live in, we are both immigrants. Since we were both foreigners it created a bond between us and we always have a lot of fun pointing out differences and learning the language together. We always felt that we had a lot of things in common; we are both religious; crazy about our family and friends, we love nature etc.

I have a good relationship with my husband. I love him so much! He is honest, nice and respectful towards me and my family. I have never had problems with his religion whatsoever, I love hearing about Islam and adapted myself to his lifestyle, and thinking about converting to Islam. But, lately I am becoming very much bothered with his (I feel) sometimes disrespectful attitude towards the difference of the general western way of life in comparison to his more Middle Eastern Muslim lifestyle.

He tells me that he would never want to raise his children in Europe, because it would be very difficult to raise them with good morals and values. When I point out that I am a European, and obviously turned out as a worthwhile woman, he tells me that I am one in a thousand. Even though this is so flattering to hear I know I am just a normal woman and I know so many great inspiring western people around me, who share many of our values, albeit they may express it differently than me and my husband.

I don't want to feel as though I have chosen his lifestyle, values etc over my old European lifestyle. They are both worthwhile ways to live, not better or worse than the other, just different from each other. I don't want to turn him "western" and I love the way we live, with his customs, but I am proud of my European, Christian heritage too. I don't know how to tell him that I want his recognition and respect for the European ways, lifestyle, and rituals I love so dearly, even though I am more than willing to follow his.

I would love to have some advice, thanks in advance!

From Titia!

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