Red Flags in Vanessa's situation

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Nov 17, 2008 at 13:31

I would just like to sat after meeting my Turkish man who is 6 years younger than I am about 8 months ago and living with him for the last 5 months, and now just a few days ago marrying him, I am EXTATIC and have ABSOLUTELY ZERO doubts in my mind about him or his intentions.

Well, then I would say that you are being naive. The breakdown of relationships such as this can take months, even years. 8 months is just way too soon to tell. I'll even wager you rushed into this.

He is much more, SO MUCH MORE of a man than ANY American "men" that I have met and dated.

Heard that one before too.

If he's such a great "man", why are you looking up this stuff on-line? Why are you not spending time more time with him? Our posts must REALLY be interesting to distract you from your man and family.

He is honest, hard-working, loving, kind, supportive, etc. etc. His ONLY ( and I do mean ONLY) bad quality is that yes, he can get a little jealous and posessive, but nothing too major.

Actually, this is a red flag, and my guess is that you're only seeing the surface of how he really feels about you interacting with other men. I would also bet, Vanessa, that if one of those American men (that you find so lowly in your biased remarks) acted like this, you would write it off as insecurity. In cases like these, the man's exotic culture and appearance influences the decision for the woman to overlook this, or perhaps other false pretenses (being nice to your kid, for instance).

He doesn't freak out, we TALK about it and work it out like adults. He is also seriously one of THE SEXIEST men (of ANY background) that I have ever seen or met. He is absolutely fantatstic to my children and wants one of his own.. He didn't marry me to come to the USA. He was here for a year and loves his country very much and wants to go back, IF I WILL GO WITH HIM, after the year is up.

Somehow, I don't think you would enjoy that as much as you are trying to lead us on to believe.. Turkey is a lot different that here, Oh, and if there is one thing I have learned about this kind of dating: women who make declarations of love and brag about it on the internet often are trying to convince themselves of something that may not be true or they are not sure about.

Girls, THEY ARE OUT THERE! If you are as lucky as I have been t find one, then HOLD ON and Don't let all the crap you hear get to you. Trust your heart.

There is no "crap" on here, Vanessa, just sound advice from those who are wiser and haver learned these lessons the hard way. You may yet get your chance. It could months, even years, but it can and does happen. While many of these international, intercultural dating scenarios are scams, many more of the ones that are not scams will not work out due to cultural differences and the woman or man overlooking them to prove how tolerant they are, because the sex is good, or so they can show off that they are with someone of a different skin tone.

Yes, Vanessa, when you strip away all the nonsense and man-defense and force the truth into the light, you get some pretty shallow reasons for relationship. It's one reason of many why these don't often work out.

Also, the fact that you are married? Marriage is not the finish line, in fact, it's usually the beginning to a long, hard journey that leaves you on the shallow end. The fact that he is younger than you IS also a red flag.

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