Thoughtful response to Lisa

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Nov 17, 2008 at 17:59

Hi Noel Thanks for your concern and yes we knew this already and he has been getting papers ready on his end for past couple weeks now that we both will need and he has frnds in high places so he thinks maybe 1st week we will have everything finished so second week we can travel or least we are hoping.

They may also be more than happy to help him scam you.

We both have already had blood work , medical HIV tests and sexual diseases tests etc required and police reports required. I have Dr statements of medical history and no need for pregnancy test and all that will be in writing too and he has been filing papers already on his end. I didn't want to wait myself

Irrelevant. He has you right where he wants you. I've seen marriages in cases like this that are 4 times longer than your relationship fail. With all the red flags in your situation, it's hard for me to envison yours ending any differently.

and he left it up to me what I thought best and where and when to marry. I am under no obligation or pressure to marry him. I want to be this man's wife. He is a good man. We have both discussed if we feel not compatiable in person we can wait or not go through with the marriage but its not going to happen.

I feel that is arrogant and naive, Lisa.

We love one another and there is no doubt in my mind and I have no nervousness about going there or meeting him..No doubts about his sincerness, faithfulness, or love for me...We both are comfortable with one another...He knows what he wants and so do I.

I sincerely doubt that, and real, true matrimonial love does not happen over the internet, letter or over the phone. I've heard this all before, Lisa, and there is nothing unique about your situation. Your relationship is screaming with red flags, unfortunately.

Getting married in Morocco was my idea cause I thought it might speed process up and I would see his culture and life and meet his family. I may be wrong but a Moroccan who married American here got married in Morocco but still filed the K-1 Fiance Visa even though already married but we will decide that after the marriage....Thanks again but really I don't want any advice...I was not and am not looking for advice here or from Luigi..

If you did not want advice, why are you on here, and why have you been writing all these lengthy responses and referencing me?

I suppose I should feel honored that I am taking your time and attention away from such a wonderful man, and my posts must be better than I thought if that's the case. See, Lisa, women and men who are in loving, stable relationships do not need to go galloping around the internet defending their relationship, sig. other or his/her culture. That's one big reason why you don't see other Moroccan couples actively engaged on here. They have better things to do. They also probably do not care about on-line drama.

It's also the reason why meeting someone on-line, especially in a different country, is often a terrible waste of time, money, emotion ect.

Better yet, if you are so confident if your relationship, why are you looking for information about this on-line? A visa, you say? So, you're okay with trusting strangers (which your fiance is too, btw) about getting advice on going to a third-world country in the midst of what I would say is a scam, but when it comes to sound relationship advice, you just reject that?

It's clear to me who is in control of this relationship, and whether it was your idea or his to marry in Morocco, it's still a bad idea, a red flag, and reiminscent of a scam.

Lisa, my mentioning of a quick marriage as a red flag does not depend on whether or not you feel ready for it, it depends on the fact that people who are spontaneous buy into things a lot quicker. It's a classic sales trick.

I feel like this is more along the lines of a sales transaction than anything else.

The reason you do not want advice from me is because I contradict most of what you say with common sense, Lisa. All you can do is tell me all about the faith and love and what-not about your relationship, and that is a very weak counter-argument.

.I am a smart woman and I have a very good sense of judgment of people's character..I posted to let some women know who stumble on this blog as I did that not all relationships of these men are scammers or going to fail..

That's quite statement from someone who has not met their man. At best, you're getting 30-40% of the communication you would from an actual date, and make no mistake, Lisa, if you don't want to marry him after meeting him, both he and his family could very well change over and start pressuring you. both

I have no doubt that you are a smart woman with good intentions, and I can understand why you would not want to date American men. What I am trying to explain to you, Lisa, is that your man is probably thinking the opposite! Just because someone TELLS you that they love you, trust you ect. It does not mean anything these days.

Below you mention my age, why on earth listen to someone who is half your age? Simple, Lisa: Because the internet is a revelutionary communication tool, but it is not very well understood, especially by people of your generation.

Let me give you an example: the social networking sites. Myspace, facebook, some of the dating sites the ladies on here frequent. You are able to see who else your man is interacting with, and in some cases, that invovles ex's and other women. This has become a big problem as far as fidelity goes, and it's going to get worse. Studies show that if people can do something and if they THINK they can get away with it, they will.

I actually just got out of a dating relationship with someone who was fooling around on-line. She lied to me about the nature of it, and she got caught. For two weeks I tried to tell her I don't understand why people do that, because eventually I always catch them.

The most successful people on the internet are people who are around my age. The creators of myspace, the popular youtube, televison and business executives your age would kill for the ratings and hits on those sites. The problem is, their line of marketing along those lines is too slow to keep up with the emerging trends. I would say that billions of dollars of potential profit have been lost because of it.

Even law enforcment and intelligence have trouble keeping up with terrorists and child pornographers who use the internet. The criminals and bad people are in many cases a step ahead of the curve.

That's why you really don't hear much about dating scams involving American women. Another is that contrary to our cultural stereotypes in the media (the dumb, skinny blonde will do anyone), men actually date internatonally and interracially more than women (actually, all things being equal, 98% of white, blonde women in the USA prefer to date white men).

The same is true in Europe: Men are dating internationally more and more, and because many men would rather "party" until they drop dead at 90 instead of living a responsible, normal life in combination with the greater number of women than men in the West, it's only understable why women such as yourself would want to seek a man abroad, and I do understand why you think you love this man.

The dating pattern of women is merely beginning to follow that of men. That is why most of the cases you hear about that turn bad involve American men; they simply do it more. There's not a whole out there about dating scams in general though, because most of the law enforcement concentration on the internet is terrorism and to a lesser extent child pornography.

I don't think you're an idiot if you did not know this, Lisa, but I am speaking the facts here, and I am not going to sit here and return your insults.

I've said on here before, I am a marketing agent AND I have investigated on-line scams, and even been in a couple myself. It is very easy for a person to be manipulative over the internet, Lisa.

If you get nothing else from my posts, at least know this: I grew up in the 1980s when satiellte and cable TV were booming. I honestly thought that with adult channels and more liberal progamming on the movie channels that such a medium of communication was bad enough, and it could have been much worse except for one thing: there were no private companies involved in space technology like sattilites. The government controlled them, and programming on them had to follow the law and FCC guidelines. They were regulated.

When the internet first became popular, I was in middle school. The internet came to be in such a manner in that no one really owned it, it took on an ownership philosophy not seen so widely since my Native ancestors roamed this contintent. What did that mean? It also meant jurisdiction that was largely free from the law for quite some time. Essentially, Lisa, the internet is not regulated. There is no safety net to prevent the kinds of scams that you are in. The arguement over the visa interview could be made, but again, the priimary concern will be terrorism and if the man is likely to rape kids. The government could care less about your personal happiness in your choice of a spouse. Safety is and always will be the number one concern.
Stumble on this blog? Lisa, you were looking for advice AND for someone to tell you to just go for it. The majortiy of voices on here will not tell you that because we've been down that road before. If you want to get all wrapped in his looks, charms and exotic nature, you're not going to be going into this with a clear head.

just be smarter about who you date no matter what culture or religion.....you put yourselves in these positions so live with the consequences if they fail....if you doubt it from the beginning, then walk away from it...its called LIFE people....Don't be so naive.

In other words, it's perfectly okay for you to criticze other's relationships, but we are not able to criticize yours?

I've also seen this blogging pattern on here before.

We all have to live and make our own choices and mistakes....You will do what you wnat to do anyway just as I will...We don't need a 26 year old on here trying to tell us how to live our life.....Its YOUR life!!!

Somehow I doubt you'll feel that way should this (and it probably will) fail.

Also, I recently turned 27 ;)

But if it's maturity you want to talk about, then let's talk:

1) My comments do not get edited much on here, they are pretty clean

2) You're the one being defensive, Lisa, not me.

3) I'm not the one who's gallivanting on-line trying to argue. I'm just trying to help you out.

Look, Lisa, I dated a woman I met on-line for about 1.5 years. We met several times in person, and the entire time she told me with a straight face she loved me and cared for me; so did the woman in my most recent dating relationship.

They were all pretty much lies, and in the latter case, at the very least, not the entire truth. All the promises of love, how they would never hurt me, how amazing I was, just empty words.

I'm afraid that our situations are too similar, Lisa. excpet you have not even met your man. I think there's more doubt in your mind about this than you are leading us on to beleive, and I want to tell you that you don't have to mislead me to defend your man. I understand what you are going through, but you must, for your own well-being, see this with objectiive eyes if you REALLY want to be happy, okay?

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