am i making mistake

Submitted by darcy (United States), Nov 28, 2008 at 16:21

i have had an online love with an moroccan man, we talke every day and would spend everynight together as he would watch over me as i fell asleep and he would sleep to on cam. i have been with him since the end of april and we have had our hard times and many wonderful times and we have dreamed of the day to be together.

i could go on and on about how much i love and trust him and believe in him, i have given him many many tests and he has surpassed them all, i have been the one that has not come through on promises to him, do to my own doubts because of my fears. he calls me his life and future, he is talented popular musician and all he focuses on is me and our relationship. he is wonderful to me so here is the problem, i have again become fearful do to my own insecurities possibly...

i was suppose to be in morocco to marry him now and i didnt go. i stayed home and have been crying ever since, i dont know why im afraid to go to him, i say it because of leaving my child what if something happened, i am 34 and have traveled many countries and places but never an islamic country and maybe i fear that, i dont know but all i know is i am afraid to tell him truth of my fears and i know i will be dissapionting him again. i think well maybe if i find a woman in same situation to travel with, u know safety in numbers thing, but then i think should i listen to my gut and maybe i fear all this for bigger reasons, i dont know, but i do believe he is truthful and i have no reasons to doubt him, but he has reasons to doubt me and now i backed out again.

i have never been more heartbroken and sad of my decision not to go to him. has anyone been in same position as me? can anyone give me advice? i feel broken and well like im a bad person for letting him down. i think me not going to him this time will truly end us because of the shame and doubts he has to face now from his family. i just dont know if i am doing the right thing.

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