Reply to Missy--Total deconstruction of a man-defense post

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Dec 4, 2008 at 20:15

First of all, Elizabeth, while I cannot speak for the others, your post was not anticipated by me at all, so I guess you can drop that.

I wonder if you are just more mad that your story is getting shared on here or that this relationship has so many red flags it's ridiculous.

This will be my first and my last reply to this group.

We'll see. and oh, you're always welcome to return when your relationship fails.

To start this joyous occasion off, I cant begin to express my gratitude for so many 'saving graces' out there. I am appalled that I find MY life on the internet spelled out for a bunch of strangers...

That's okay, my last ex was commenting on my penis size on a myspace blog. It happens, and we are just trying to help.

I actually find it appalling you're in a relationship with a total stranger and a man you've never even met in person.

and for that I say "thanks mom"! I am 40 years old and capable of making my own decisions on 'my' life. And just in case anyone misunderstood that last sentence, I said "my" life. Christian marriage mom??? Puleeeez! You seem to think I left the 'good life" behind, but as I explained to you, there was never to 'good life"....

Yeah, let me guess, you got married to miserable, right? No relationship is bad 100% of the time. You are 40 and capable, yes, but that does mean those choices will be good ones.

But getting back to the matters at hand... My life is not up for public display... it is not up to anyone out there to make decisions for me, it is not up to anyone to say "heyyyy contact ICE!" They will protect this 40 year old women who is making her own descisions in life.

Actually, there's probably not a whole lot they can do, unless your man is a terrorist, which I would not put it past him, but as far as making your own decisons....lol....sorry, but their primary concern is national security and I suppose to small degree child pornography. They won't really be vetting your man to see if he's a good husband for you.

Who is 'anyone' to say this this is a sham?

I actually convey that general idea....oh, what? Once a week, maybe? I actually told my ex who got back together with her last boyfrriend the same thing in nicer words.

Where did any one of you get your degrees?

Degrees in the West are pretty much meaningless as far knowledge goes, and that is a discussion for another day.

You have no insight into my life or anyone elses to make any judgements, what we talk about or how we spend our time together, what our plans are, and how 'he' feels.

Coming on here, making innuendos about my posts, and writing a 100+ word post in paragraph form in addition to what your caring mother has shared with us, I have read all I need to read. Were this a stable, normal relationship, what gets said on here should not mean anything to you, but you've obviously taken it personally.

He is a human being like anyone else! He crys like the rest of us, bleeds like the rest of us... What makes him bad by being a muslim?

He can also scam and lie like the rest of us. His religion does not have much to do this, and trying to clear him on that WILL get you into serious trouble. So drop the tolerance card, because the vast majority of Muslim posters on here agree with me.

Think for just a moment how many women are abused in the united states? How they are beaten by there husband, boyfriends? Should we then say then that the men of the united stated are allll bad? Then how can you say this about men from there?? But ohhh I forgot!

Too many are, but this forum is about relationships between cultures and countries, not domestic American abuse.

They run scams there on women. Tell me again, how many scams on women are run here in the united states?

If you see state deparment statistics on the number of visas issued to Morrocans, it's not very many, especially considering that our two governments have good relations. The reality is, more American men date interracially and internationally and they are much more susceptible to scams. The only real journalism I have seen comes from Dr. Pipes and Michelle Malkin.

Thank God for protectors like you! I can imagine your are thinking "oh my... she sounds pretty mad now..." "She must be this poor angry women".. You bet I am mad and angry.

Actually, since that is the case, you've already hit this one.

To find a forum topic on me, and the crap I have had to put up with ignorant people and they're views on Muslim men are appauling. The crap I have had to put up with by my own family threatening to keep me in bondage to my ex husband, the one who keeps an automatic rifle in every room of the house, who threw my daughter up against a wall, who cocks his pistoal every night in bed just because the sound of it was soothing to him... my parents had the brilliant idea to threaten to tell him so he would contest the divorce and keep me in bondage to him so I cant marry this man. Thanks for saving my life once again! I had such a bright future ahead with my ex didn't I?

So, now you have to go to the ends of the Earth to find a man? Why do I feel this is more about how exotic he is and his appearence and age than anything else? Look, Missy, I am 27, almost the same age as your man, and the prospect of marrying someone who is 40? Come on! I would have issues dating someone who is 30, much less 40! Even if your man were American, I would still say pretty much the same thing!

I am 40 years old and not a 16 year old child who my parents should have to make a public plea "how can I stop this???" Do you think I am so naive as to not done any research? She tells me something about traveling over seas... and I state "I already knew that.." (becasue I am a smart enough individual to do research)..

If you have, you probably would have come across this place before. No one is questioning your ability to do research, having gone through this ourselves, it's apparent what is happening here, and I really hope that this research of yours goes far beyond what your man tells you.

and I get a reply back "ohhhh well your such a smart traveler arent you." No I have not traveled overseas before, but when you do, you prepare, plan, and research like any smart intelligent individual. I have researched this to death there is 'just about' nothing you can tell me that I have not already read on. And about the lawyer? I have researched him too!

The general idea about scams is to keep your real motives hidden. Talking to a lawyer on-line? HA! If he cared one ounce for you, he would talk to you on the phone!

And? Just because I know his family it is a 'family' business now? That was the best laugh I have had all evening.

Actually, yes, many of the scams are family businesses. I'm sorry you think that's funny, because it will not be once you find out you have been used.

And no 'true' muslim would allow a female to travel alone? Do your research on Islam people. There are Shi'ites (Shia) and Sunnis... both different! The Shia are the more conservative lot of Islamic people.

I'd say Iran (Shi'a) and Saudi Arabia (Sunni) are not much different.

The are the ones that the Taliban orginate from. The Tailiban carry these exteme beliefs.

That's not correct either! Most of the Taliban are SUNNI Muslims!

The Sunni's are not and strict

Ever heard of Saudi Arabia? Yemen? the UAE? Sharia law? The Saudi religous police? Different seating sections at McDonalds?

These are the obvious, and you clearly have NOT done your research, Missy.

and the Shias and have modernized over the years.

Actually, Iran has rotting modern facilites in the desert because ever since '79, the focus has been on religion.

Not all wear the hijab, the head covering for the hair. And the Shias have the whole body covering.

Do you even know what you are saying? Are you so mad that you cannot think straight? Goodness, I guess our posts have had quite the impact on you, huh?

My fiance is a Sunni. I would gladly offer you more information by I have the feeling it is going on deaf ears. So I will not waste my time by aggriavting my carpel tunnel in my hands.

It would not matter anyways, I've read all I need to.

But as I sit here and write this I am thinking 'why? am I waiting my time?" This forum is not important. None of anyone's opinion on 'who' I marry is not important. This is my life and I am responsible for my own happiness.

Does this mean when things go bad, you won't come running to the governrment for help?

You or no one out there can or should not tell another how to live it. No one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with 'advising'... but you do not advise someone by saying "Oh yeahh... he's a scam artist alright", or "he does not love you and is only using you."... you have NO idea, no idea at alll.

Actually, you've already communicated much more than you realize on here. Words are only 30% of human communication, and that's about all you've gotten with your man. A mere fraction of what a real date with someone closer would have gotten you.

You are not the mirrors into these people lives to know what in going on in there minds, and thoughs. Just an non of you or my parents are privy to my thoughts, moments with him and my life.

Actually, we are, because many of us have been there before. You are 40, and you clearly do not understand the dynamics of how bad internet scams can be. This isn't the 1980s, you know.

To 'anyone' out there thinking to marry a Moroccan, let alone a Muslim... remember you are responsible for your life and only you. If you think you have found the one you want to share your life with then I am happiest for you above anyone else, becasue that is a rare find.

But, if you have found an online romance, do your homework.

Hopefully, that involves more than getting biased info from your man and his family.

Thats all I have to say. Not all, muslims, morocans, palestinians, iraelies, canadians, africans, or AMERICANS are all good, and not all are bad. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors with your intended. And by the way, it appears you are asking from advice from the wrong support group!

Yeah, see, that excuse will not work.

Get advice from somewhere else, huh? Like where? Facebook? Myspace? Y! answers? All the places were alienated teenagers give advice? Everyone who posts on here on a regular basis is a mature adult who has been in mature relationships. But if you want feedback from teengers and people to tell you to do what you want because it's your life, fine by me, I guess. No matter what happens, it's not my emotions, time and money that is on the line.

Do not take advice from one place,... do your research. That is just like saying "well bad friends were the only ones I could find"... There are good and knowledgeable people out there, people that can advise you wisely 'without' pre-judging the individual.

Yeah, trouble is, Missy, you are not going to find them prancing around the internet looking for love thousands of miles away.

Giving adivce on your relationship is not the same as judging.

You have to remember your source for advice.. You are in america. And americans are 'not' accepting of foreigners, especially muslim foreigners. So becareful of the advice and the source you are getting it from.

Actually, many women on here are from different countries. If you'd done courteous thing and did your research about this blog, you would know that. It makes me wonder just how much time you spent researching Islam.

As for those who know I am speaking to them... I am not stupid.

I never said you were stupid, but you are about to make a stupid mistake.

You do not have the correct information of the intended.

I think we do.

I am not going to have him blasted all over the internet, or provide his email address so he can be bombarded with hate mail.

Yeah, I doubt anyone from this blog would do that; this isn't myspace. Besides, the mods do not usually allow that to be posted anyways, so it's kind of a moot point.

Now please respect my discision. If I blunder the bad is on me. But if I do not blunder, then I will be the luckiest women in existance. Salam and bslama!

Sorry, but I cannot respect someone who writes a thousand word essay defending their relationship over the internet. The louder and longer the declaration of love on-line, the worse things are or will be. My last woman that I met in person did that. Wrote a big blog about she promised to love me, never to hurt me, and the next day, she broke it off with me and three days later she was back with her ex.

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