Response to Lina

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Dec 8, 2008 at 18:26

I always find it ironic how WESTERN women in these relationships are the biggest defenders of them, NOT Muslims.

Actually, I met my man offline (who is also Egyptian!) with a similar mindset to you - I wasn't actively searching for an Egyptian man like most people seem to assume. We can't control who we fall in love with, sometimes you just connect with a person. I think it depends on your character, I'm also quite a cautious person & I have to know everything before I get myself into something, whereas some women it seems, consider marrying a man within a week of "knowing" them - which in actual fact makes the man respect a girl even less. By the sound of the history of meeting your man, you've found a good, legitimate relationship. I guess you and I (and a few others on here) have been some of the more fortunate ones in terms of interracial dating.

Yeah, I figured you had some personal stake on here, Lina.

Or, you are just right in the middle of something that will turn out bitter and terrible? But you do want to see that side of it because your man is handsome and from the Middle East, which in turn you have glorified. Since you and Isis are spending so much time on here, I would say that NEITHER of you is certain about your relationship.

Some women seem to think that by marrying their Muslim partner, they'll be immersed into some sort of fairytale, & treated like Queen Nefertari or such. Sometimes it is the case, but a woman does have a complex role in Islam. From my research in Islam, I've found viewpoints vary from person to person. A lot of people seem to have their own interpretation of the religion. Some Muslim women in relationships are unveiled (Lalla Salma Bennani as a more famous example), while others live conservative lives. It depends who you're with. But it's true about Egypt becoming more conservative, I've seen a huge change in the dynamics of the country from when I first visited, although some Egyptians are becoming more Western-savvy. One Egyptian man I know told me that the internet for example is creating a bad influence on young Egyptians.

The internet is a bad influence on pretty much every culture these days.

I often wonder at women's fascination with middle eastern men. I think part of it is to do with the woman running away from grey reality, another is to do with the most simple female desires.

Western men are becoming ever more metrosexual, & even judgemental towards women. Whereas Arabic men tend to be more macho, therefore more likely to provide security, & are more appreciative of the female form.

More generalizations. Judgemental? Yeah, ever heard of women's studies? I don't see very much of that in the Muslim world.

More likely to provide security? Sure, if you do not want to have male friends or ever leave the house! Such is the case in many of these "relationships"

A long-distance relationship isn't something I'd actively seek out, there's trust issues, travel costs, limited intimacy, and all kinds of other drama! So I can't understand why anyone would glamorize it. It's hard enough in reality, so how a woman can be fine with all this on the Internet stuns me. Even Google won't help much once you're in a conservative Muslim household! But sometimes long-distance relationships can be a good test of faith, as they show how far you'd go to be with someone.

I also came across this site for similar reasons, & a lot of women are by nature interested in relationship stories - just pick up any Women's magazine!

Women who need third-party confirmation for a relationship or have to go on-line and talk to others on anonymous blog hardly have a case for a strong relationship. The pattern I see often is that women who are on-line and on here a lot could very well be because their man is as well----and if you're talking to me, you are NOT talking to him.....not a good sign, Lina!

It's absurd for anyone to assume that all readers/posters are on here because they don't trust their man. I wasn't even in a relationship when I first came here!

Everyone.....that's a strong word, but those who really trust their partner have NO need to either seek advice or defend their relationship on-line. MOST of the posts I encounter are because women cannot tell---they ask themselves "Is it me?" "Am I being paranoid?"

Making rash judgements like that can be extremely hurtful, & a cheap shot, I've dealt with it several times, in reality & online.

So, why do you do it towards Western men?

Not all Egyptian men are insatiable casanovas afraid of commitment. What matters is that you trust your instinct.

Find me one post on here that says that, Lina. Female instincts can be subdued if you are so hung up on how your man looks or are obsessed with his culture.

The rest is between you & your man, no one else.

If you are going to come on here and tell confused women who are EARNESTLY seeking advice (many of whom have been burned badly before and are divorced) to go through with this just so you can feel better about your relationship or satisfy your man's insecurities or whatever dark reason you waste time on here, then it BECOMES our business, Lina!

Ladies, if you are reading this, WATCH out for man-defense posts like these! I realize that they are not Muslims, but truth be told, the Muslims and Middle Eastern folks who post on here are going to give you more straight advice than Western women who are in their relationships and trying to rationalize them!

Be VERY wary about taking advice from someone who has to rationalize his/her OWN relationship!

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