age gaps, internet dating, insults

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Dec 12, 2008 at 08:27

Hi, Luigi, firstly, I have never personally insulted anyone on this blog and don't plan to (though I find it unfair that while my post was edited, your frequent personal attacks on posters/their relationships are deemed OK). I don't recall what I wrote last time, but it definitely wasn't a personal attack. Apologies all the same if any offence was caused.

I do agree that cougar type women in their 50s dating much younger men, are in need of a reality check, and are usually doing so for either an ego boost or to get back at an ex... I also agree that mostly vulnerable women are at risk of being offered false flattery by younger men, especially in times of difficulty. Actually, it's similar to what manipulative older men do to younger women. Fair enough, your brand of no-nonsense advice is required therein. What I find sexist, however, is that if a young girl is into older men it's deemed "normal" but if it's a young guy into older women it's regarded somewhat as a "joke" or unlikely to succeed. Face it, Luigi, some young men are attracted to older women per se, not just their bank accounts.

Again, I'm not a fan of online dating and have never dated online. This is for personal reasons, internet dating carries a higher risk of deceit, complexes, insecurities, distorted reality and inability to deal with real life - therefore, the chances of online relationships succeeding are little to none. I find that most internet romances that flourish are those involving two similar partners (same age bracket, community etc.).

I try not to judge anyone by their age unless necessary. I may be a teenager but you really have no idea what I may or may not have experienced in my years. Some 16-year-olds have been through more in their lives than most 30-year-olds, especially in the fast-paced society of today.

Ok, the teenage girls you know are into older men. Moral of the story: everyone is different. You say tomayto, I say tomahto. Most of my teen friends/peers would grimace at the idea of dating a 33-year-old man, and we are always complaining about being hit on by older men. I also find it unfair to brand most young adult men "little boys". Most (not all) of the middle-aged men I know are incredibly immature, and it wouldn't be a bad idea for them to go through the entire educational system all over again. Moreover, you can find young guys who are more hard-working, mature and insightful than men well into their 40s. Not all older men are "Real Men" but rather the contrary. That said, as long as they're two consenting adults, more power to them.

What is a Real Man, anyway? Someone controlling, predatory, muscular and humourless?

I myself use the internet to either expand my intellectual horizons, to seek out inspiration, or to manage my business project, not because I feel isolated. While it's true that most girls my age are quite immature, I prefer to surround myself with people, of all ages, who are on my wavelength.

Also, Luigi, I have been hurt by Middle-Eastern men in the past and so have several people I know, but we don't all go around holding grudges against their entire race. I know, Luigi, some of the stories on here are extremely sad and I'm also horrified at the actions of these scammers. I may not have experienced their exact situations, but I know exactly how it feels to be humiliated and cheated like that. In fact, this is one of the reasons why I have trust issues, but hey, I wouldn't know, I'm just a dumb teenager.

Luigi, I'm not trying to be an adult, I AM an adult and I don't need to prove myself to anyone. The women on here may have more experience than myself, but also more than you. I'm sure you are also half the age of many women on here, but no one undermines your intelligence.

Please, Luigi, try to look at a person for who they are rather than the number & nationality on their passport.

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