Hey Angie---Some thoughtful thoughts--Turk, Catholic, Muslim, culture, marriage

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Dec 20, 2008 at 19:20

Thanks for sharing that story, Angie.

I've read your story, and really what happens here is quite common in situations like this.

I give you credit for standing your ground and sticking to your convictions. Be proud of yourself and your faith for that, Angie.

So, the question is whether or not to move on. What I would say is that if you need third party confirmation in order to continue this relationship, then it's not a good sign. Also, it appears that your faith is just too important to you.

Now, Angie, I understand how you feel and I can see very clearly why you like this man so much. It's really great when someone treats you nice. Like you, I am a Catholic, and the last girl I dated was Wiccan. I too thought we could things out, but other issues came up. In the end, though, it would have been tough for me because I pretty knew if the kids were going to Catholic, she was not going to help in that apsect of it.

We are not talking about favorite ice cream flavors or the color of the curtains here, religion is serious business, and when a man or woman ends up converting to their spouses religion, it really says it was not THAT important to them in the first place.

I think it's important to realize that there are good men besides this Turkish fellow who will give you the respect you deserve. Many American men who are nice guys have expressed frustration over not being able to get the girl because she's always after the bad boy. I think this is a lame excuse, but many of them do feel hopeless. I realize the reason that many women are not terribly outgoing in this manner is because they do not want to be seen as slutty or wanting sex, but I really think that you can meet a nice guy here in the States, its just that you might have to a little of the leading. And that's really good advice for anyone really.

But in the meantime, my big concern for you is that your heart will runaway with head. See, if you have been in a serious relationship with this man and already you argue about religion and he complains about his family and the importance of that, this kind of pattern will likely continue into a marriage. What is happening with you two now is in many just the tip of the iceberg. How can I possibly know this?

Because, Angie, people simply do not like change. The women that Dr. Pipes writes about who convert to Islam do so in my view because their religion is not that important to them. It's just a common social pattern over there where God is in the distance of people's minds.

I really do think its best to move on, and believe me, I know you are hurting, but it seems to me from what you have told me about what he said (and being a guy myself) ultimately, his religion is more important to him than making you happy or being with you.

I realize that is harsh, very harsh, and while I do not doubt what he says about his family objecting, I think he is just using that as the excuse. Remember, he broke up with you. Many of the men discussed on here are deceitful liars and will hide their true motives.

If you give up and make concessions, Angie, you essentially would lose yourself. The fact that you are on here even asking about this tells me that maybe you are trying to avoid a broken heart and losing him, which is completely understandable. See, it's the uncertainty of the future that brings some women on here.

But if you give in to him, the sky's the limit for what he'll ask for next, and considering how influential his family seems to be in his life, I would say they would ask a lot of you. I'm really wondering if you would even be respected.

In the end, I think it is best to move on. A lifetime of all this difficulty with the cultural differences just does not make sense. I really do not see how either of you would be happy if one of you made concessions. My advice is to move on. I know it hurts now, but what really helps me is if you stay away from the computer and the phone and spend time with your friends and family this holiday season and go to Church.

So, go out, have some fun, and treat yourself. It's okay to be hurt and sad, but do not let this man have power over you, Angie. It's just not worth it.

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