Dating A Muslim Man-need honest advice

Submitted by alr (United States), Dec 21, 2008 at 21:53

I have been dating a Muslim man here in the states for going on 3 months, and so far things have been great. He is very kind, generous, respectful, and loving. He told me that he loved me about a month ago and that he has never told any girl he has dated that he has loved them before. He told me that he wanted to tell his family about me (they are still in the Middle East).

He is currently back home with his family for a vacation, and he said before he left that he was planning on telling them about me. He is in his late 20's, has a very good job, working on his masters' degree, and has a house. He became a citizen a couple of years ago and has no plans to go back to the Middle East (Lebanon).

Like I mentioned earlier he said he loved me and wants a future with me, etc. I feel that we have a lot in common, and I am quickly falling for him. Anyway he did mention to me that if his family says no that we can no longer date. Their word is law, and I was aware of this because I am educated and have been doing additional research on Islam and his cultural background. So, I want to know if I should just end this before it really gets any more serious. See I have some additional baggage: I am divorced and have a child of my own. I am also college educated, I am a teacher, and I feel like I have a good head on my shoulders.

Since the nature of a teacher is to research, explore, and learn I decided to go into an Islam chat room. I started talking to this man who basically told me that my bf is full of crap. He told me that: he will never marry you, he is telling you what he wants to hear, and I can bet money that he will never marry you. He then went on to say: Muslim men want a whore as a girlfriend and an 18 virgin Muslim as a wife. He is also Middle Eastern. I by no means consider myself a whore and in fact I have abided by the Muslim laws of premarital sex. I am very respectful towards him, and I have always been open minded to different people and cultures. I have never been on this side of the racial line before.

I once asked him that if you don't think your parents would approve of you dating an American girl then why do you do it? He said that he had done it for companionship, but never expected to really feel something for an American girl until me. I feel that he has been open and honest with me(he didn't have to tell me about his parents and the consequences if they say no), and after learning some of this I did try to break it off and he started crying hysterically saying that we didn't even know what they would say yet. So I said ok we will wait and see.

I feel like I have in the back of my mind been planning for us to fail, and now with that guys comment I am even more concerned. It seems so cruel, and does not seem like my bf would ever do this. I am confused and don't know what to do. . I am just panicked now that maybe this is true. I just don't think that after a divorce I am in a position to get hurt by someone who is deceitful. He doesn't seem this way to me. What is your opinion since everyone seems to have more experience than I do.

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