Response to Lina--Teenage relationships vs. Adult marriage, Insults and Blog Rules, Cougar Relationship, Older Woman, Younger Man

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Dec 22, 2008 at 22:10

Hi, Luigi, firstly, I have never personally insulted anyone on this blog and don't plan to (though I find it unfair that while my post was edited, your frequent personal attacks on posters/their relationships are deemed OK).

I can already tell by your tone how this is going to go down. I warned you not to embarrass yourself like this, but so be it.

First of all, Lina, if you were NOT insulting people, your posts would NOT have been edited.

This tells me two things:

1) Like the posters who keep trying to post insults and contact information, you are not reading the stipulations for posting on this site. This is not a free-for-all like myspace or facebook or some other social networking site, it is the personal website of Dr. Pipes, a well-respected expert on the Middle East and a professor at Harvard.

2) This, in turn, makes me think that you do the same for other forms of communication as well. The type of behavior that you are exhibiting is like all the posters that your criticize: it all happens in a pattern, and in most cases, you and anyone else doing the same thing, probably does not even realize it. Why? Simple: It's a habit. I've seen it before many times.

3) I just hope that, for your sake, you don't go around and blindly enter into legal contracts, as later in the post you say that you ARE and adult and want to be treated like one---it works both ways, and don't expect any sympathy from the court, especially in the Middle East.

I have been doing blogging for years now and the moderators here at DanielPipes.org have a unique filtering system. Three years ago, I was on Yahoo! Message boards, which no longer exist because people were doing everything from harassing users to threatening national leaders. I even spoke with the FBI and the Secret Service about it, and I am not giddy about going through that again. I tell you, it gets serious when you get calls from government agents at 1 am.

Those boards subsquently shut down. Neil Budde, the News Manager, released a statement saying they were updating the site, but they decided altogether to shut down the boards. Probably because like me, they were sick and tired of having to deal with federal agents and court orders and the like.

I don't recall what I wrote last time, but it definitely wasn't a personal attack. Apologies all the same if any offence was caused.

That's very kind of you, but I can pretty much promise you you're going to offend some of the hurt women on here before you offend me, even if your words are not meant for them directly.

I do agree that cougar type women in their 50s dating much younger men, are in need of a reality check, and are usually doing so for either an ego boost or to get back at an ex... I also agree that mostly vulnerable women are at risk of being offered false flattery by younger men, especially in times of difficulty. Actually, it's similar to what manipulative older men do to younger women. Fair enough, your brand of no-nonsense advice is required therein. What I find sexist, however, is that if a young girl is into older men it's deemed "normal" but if it's a young guy into older women it's regarded somewhat as a "joke" or unlikely to succeed. Face it, Luigi, some young men are attracted to older women per se, not just their bank accounts.

I can verify that because I myself am attracted to some older women, and why not? Isis once told me that they are more stable and mature, and that would be correct.

What most of the men talked about on here are clearly after is either a visa, money (several women on here have admitted to sending their men massive amounts of money) or sex with someone from a different culture.

It's an old story.

Yet, Lina, you can argue that it is sexist until you are blue in the face. I actually agree that it would be nice if younger men and older women worked out more, but it just does not happen even in Western countries. There is an emerging trend of flings with this particular pairiing, but that's all it amounts to.

I'm not on here to spoil people's fun, just to report the facts.

The chief concern on here is that women frequently try and rationalize these flings as viable, stable relationships.

Again, I'm not a fan of online dating and have never dated online. This is for personal reasons, internet dating carries a higher risk of deceit, complexes, insecurities, distorted reality and inability to deal with real life - therefore, the chances of online relationships succeeding are little to none. I find that most internet romances that flourish are those involving two similar partners (same age bracket, community etc.).

Basically, yes, that is true, and it's because despite the age-old idea that opposites attract, studies clearly show the most successful relationships are based on similarities.

That is very observant of you to notice the proximity factor as well.

I try not to judge anyone by their age unless necessary. I may be a teenager but you really have no idea what I may or may not have experienced in my years. Some 16-year-olds have been through more in their lives than most 30-year-olds, especially in the fast-paced society of today.

Meh, I would not put it like that. People in their 30s are getting to the point where they have lived most of thier lives as adults, and most 16-year-olds in relationships are trivial compared to ones that 30 year-olds have, but your point is solid when you talk about internet in reference to this site. The internet is not regulated, and for the poor women on here, there is not much safety net. Most of the resources invovled in cybercrimes focus on terrorism, obviously, and the child pornography by government enforcement agenices.

Private industries, like the RIAA, the association for pretty much any and all published music and Viacom, a tlelecommunicatons giant, are interested chiefly in piracy.

The attention given to investigating on-line scams is not much, and mostly focuses around the Nigerian lotto scam. The dating scams that are reported on usually pertain to men, since men are more likely to date outside their race and country than are women (what we are seeing on this board is largely an emerging trend based on the choices that men in the West are making, not so much the women).

See, a lot of Western have said the reason they will date interculturally is because they've lost hope in finding someone of their own culture. Dating someone outside the race or country is usually not their first choice, which is why you see so many women on here who are divorced or have broken up with a man they've been with for 8 years and will not commit.

Ok, the teenage girls you know are into older men. Moral of the story: everyone is different. You say tomayto, I say tomahto. Most of my teen friends/peers would grimace at the idea of dating a 33-year-old man, and we are always complaining about being hit on by older men.

Yeah, it does depend. Some of the teenagers I have dated love the attention.

I also find it unfair to brand most young adult men "little boys".

Yeah, I actually did not come up with that idea, your female peers did after several bad experiences.

Most (not all) of the middle-aged men I know are incredibly immature, and it wouldn't be a bad idea for them to go through the entire educational system all over again.

Well, getting an education is not what it used to be. A few of the women on here with advanced degrees seem more than happy to be a sex slave and dishwasher in the Sahara for an already married man. Really makes me not want to invest in scholarships for women.

Moreover, you can find young guys who are more hard-working, mature and insightful than men well into their 40s. Not all older men are "Real Men" but rather the contrary. That said, as long as they're two consenting adults, more power to them.

Oh, I won't argue that! I can only imagine what kind of nonsense the men that some of the women on here were involved with pulled.

What is a Real Man, anyway? Someone controlling, predatory, muscular and humourless?

I would say not, but then again, my last ex left me, a guy with a stable job and own place, for her ex-fiance who cheated on her, harrassed her family, called her work to try and get her in trouble all the while threatening her with litigation from over 1600 miles away. Oh, did I mention that he had cheated on her too whereas I've never cheated on girl before? And that he intensely hated her best guy friend out of sheer jealousy, because you know, once you are in a relationship you can't have friends of the opposite sex.....say! Didn't I read something about that on here.....hm.....

LOL....you have a good point, Lina and I am GLAD you are not shallow.

I myself use the internet to either expand my intellectual horizons, to seek out inspiration, or to manage my business project, not because I feel isolated. While it's true that most girls my age are quite immature, I prefer to surround myself with people, of all ages, who are on my wavelength.

You'll be better of for it, but somehow, I suspect this is not the only site you interact on. You may also be surprised how attractive and tempting it can be to talk to people on-line who are not on your wavelength.

Also, Luigi, I have been hurt by Middle-Eastern men in the past and so have several people I know, but we don't all go around holding grudges against their entire race. I know, Luigi, some of the stories on here are extremely sad and I'm also horrified at the actions of these scammers. I may not have experienced their exact situations, but I know exactly how it feels to be humiliated and cheated like that.

Sorry, but getting divorced and breaking up with your teenage boyfriend are two entirely different scenarios, Lina.

The situations on here are very complicated. To begin with, a marraige is a legal contract between you and your partner and the state. Breaking that contract, especially across international borders, involves a lot of painful often unfair legal proceedings. In North Africa and the Middle East, the system is very biased against women, especially non-Muslim women.

I understand that its never feels good to be cheated on, Lina, but these are women who have invested years, in some cases even longer than you have been alive, in relationships that did not work out. Just read the response Isis write to Yasemin.

In fact, this is one of the reasons why I have trust issues, but hey, I wouldn't know, I'm just a dumb teenager.

Nice try, but you won't get very far with me by puling that. This is a whopping request for me to patronize you, and I thought you did not want me to do that.

Luigi, I'm not trying to be an adult, I AM an adult and I don't need to prove myself to anyone.

If that makes you feel better by speaking out, I understand. Unfortunately, such statements will not really win you points with other posters. You may be an adult, but so is everyone else on here, and just because you are adult, well, what does that mean? You've already put up that question earlier in this post, Lina, so simply saying you do not prove yourself?

When I first got here, I had to ask myself how I was going to go about this. And what I needed to do was to simply make sense by putting myself in the shoes of others and simply be generous and let my own pride go. Sitting on your computer, telling me two paragraphs ago that you are just on-line for business purposes and then saying you do not need to prove yourself on here? Quite a jump, if you ask me.

The women on here may have more experience than myself, but also more than you. I'm sure you are also half the age of many women on here, but no one undermines your intelligence.

Probably because the blog is almost entirely mature adults and I assert myself through compassion and logic instead of blind emotion that is crippling our Western civilization.

Please, Luigi, try to look at a person for who they are rather than the number & nationality on their passport.

Ironically, most of the men on here don't have passports, which is one key reason why they are "dating" some of the women on here.

And actually, I do not have anything personal against anyone or their religion or culture on here. So please, for your own rep on here, learn the difference between insults and constructive criticism.

Do I really need to sit on here after all the talks I have given about Russian, Nigerian, Asian and Latino women and listen to this?

Lina, do you actually READ what people on here write, or do you just skim and respond like a facebook poster who joins groups they do not agree with to try and prove that you are right and everyone else is wrong?

Before you even begin to compare yourself to me, you're going to have to sit down and actually try some active listening on this blog if you really want to earn the respect of others.

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