To Nora..Isis...Nina and others

Submitted by Lisa USA (United States), Dec 25, 2008 at 15:17

Nora thank you for your kind words. People like you, Lina , and Isis have an open mind on this blog and you can tell from your posts you are good honest women who do not judge others so harshly. You are all like me somewhat...you need to "see with eyes first-hand" what is written here or go out and ask or search for answers before believing some of the misled opinions or rumors written on this blog... then there are the few disgruntled women wanting others to have just as miserable a life as they keep holding on to and will not let go ,so therefore they will see fault in everything and everyone.

These women/men will take this bitterness into their own new relationships. Then there are the sites on the net that mislead too and we believe to be facts.....I try to look deep into the hearts and minds of others. I can see good and bad in people and I ask so many questions that I am often teased that I am a policewoman or some say I can make a great lawyer,lol....I learned early on in school that no question asked is a dumb one and you do not learn if you do not ask and if you do not understand, ask again...so I ask and ask,lol til sometimes my fiance gets a headache but he is always too kind and just smiles and preceeds to answer even the most personal relationship questions I throw his way about his past. He thinks the past should stay in past and can create issues/problems and doesn't see the importance of the past so he NEVER asks me about my past lovers or past man friends.

He thinks its things he doesn't need to know cause it doesn't concern our relationship we have in present... It is probably true cause sometimes it makes one jealous for no reason but I learn more and more about his ways of thinking etc so I ask anyway. He is so much older than his almost 33 years......(im 42 and sometimes I have young/kid ways )and Sometimes I hurt his feelings by asking things I read here like selling of virgins for Visa's in a Morocco city which he has never heard of and thought I was crazy to ask and thought I was implying this holds true with all Moroccan women and he does have a mom and sisters, neices...he wanted to know where I read this info and about the sunni and shi contracts of marriage with Shi'ism being a temporary contract of marriage to all non-muslim women...He never knew or heard of this to know if it is fact or written in old law but he is Sunni in beliefs and we will both do a Contract of marriage in the court documented in records and also we will have a small religious cultural ceremony with just some family and friends. My family will not be able to attend so we had already discussed he has no problem re-newing the vows once here in states if I truly would like to have an American wedding with my kids and family present.

He wanted to please me and my wishes and what I saw best for us as he always puts me first and values my opinion on everything we do.... I do not have to have or ask for the material things in life and weddings are not the most important for me and I do not care for others spending money on us as well but his mom insisted on something small to bring meaning to our marriage and it is her first son to marry (second son for dad) and I couldn't deny her this right of such an important occassion and I did not have a wedding with the kid's father. Even with this, I will probably not let her buy my dress and pay for everything. It is just the way i am and I am not selfish and I feel she should not be burden with the expenses so I will help I am sure! That is if she will allow me.....

and before anyone says anything like before, you may be this type of woman but I am not....culture, written in Quran or not...I am no money grubbing woman looking for riches and I believe in working together and helping one another. Guess that is one of my great qualities...Im easy going so we get along great.....That is why to me it is frustrating that he will not accept my help financially when I know he can sometimes use it but he insists he lives at home is fed and needs for nothing but my love.....

We do argue over this sometimes but he is headstrong and stubborn too and tells me if he needs it he will ask ( we do consider ourselves already married in our hearts) but I know he will not ask....He has not in the 10 months I have known him....I want to help him but he will not allow it.... I also know this may be a good thing after what I read here. Also Immigration will be able to read all our e-mails chats and see his sincerity and love and concern too when the time comes so I am sure the fact he does not take from me will help us.

With that said I also am aware and prepared to help pay for his Vias and trip and help get his start ina new country....He would do the same for me if vice versa I am sure.....Some here talk about controlling Arabic men. I do not agree that all Arabics are as controlling as stated. Maybe some but not all. I even offered to give my passwords cause he knew one man tries to contact me that was an on-line friend but wished for more even with fact I am marrying, but his answer was no I do not want to control you in that manner and you have private things.....he said he trusts me.

I agree with Nora...you can see how controlling and jealous one is through chats and things that come up talked about and you can learn some characteristics of these men if it is the way you want to be treated in life or not based on your own values and ethics in life/marriage. To clear things up too that was posted here about my trip...I never said I was treated like a queen. I said he did nice romantic things (small details that meant importance to me) like making me juice mornings and sometimes night, cooking cause he knew I was new to their life (I did clean the kitchen), and making sure I got rest if needed, making sure I was protected in and out of the home, making sure I was pleasured (I include this cause statements were made they do not care if women are satisfied), walks on the beach or drives. We both were ourselves.....Neither tried to be any different than in our home life....so I did see things and asked myself if it would be big concern....like getting water in floor and not mopping it up, getting water on toilet seat and leaving it, his ill mood swings in the morning,lol...He was himself and these are things I can live with.....I can be grouchy too sometimes and moody...ask Luigi,lol.....

and I guess I can be argumenative which I will have to work on cause he is calm and doesn't like worrying with little things of no importance like this board,lol. and I hate criticism(saying negative things about someone or something) when they degrade the person or the ones posting have no clue of who you really are and what you both stand for and its not been constructive criticism to help...Its to demeanor (behavioral attributes- the way a person behaves toward other people) You can esaily get your point a cross without attacking and ....Luigi and others.... there would then be no need to get attacked back. I agree with Lina there is a right and wrong path to get your thoughts across and if you are not 100% sure about a person or astatement maybe not say it.....why plant doubt and bad seeds in people's lives? If their relationship is "DOOMED"or based on falsification it will eventually show...and we will deal with it then.

But you do not have to rake Nora and I over the coals and disect everything we say and assume its all lies cause your relationships failed....If you want to be true friends and really help, wish us the best in our lifes and be a little nicer when you want to interact with us. I promise we may listen more....Don't pretend to know me or him and our relationship when there is no possible way you can. Do you like destroying people's life when you say you are helping? Your posts reaks of not being friendly and civil......I will leave this long post (as usual,lol sorry guys its my bad characteristic.....i give too many details getting info out and sometimes I get side-tracked) anyway I will leave this with wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year anda Prosperous relationship or Marriage or friendship and I will post a good quote here my friend once told me and it holds true meaning of friendship....

"Don't judge your friends by the way they speak or the way they look, judge them by the way they care for you because CARE is the outcome of TRUE LOVE in Friendship"

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