Response to Lina--General Blogging and Discussion--Nigerian, Dating Scam

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Dec 26, 2008 at 13:19

Wow, you "warned" me not to embarrass myself? This is the sort of thing rude husbands say to their wives - "don't embarrass yourself in front of my friends, woman".

Since we are not married, no need to worry about that. I mentioned that because you seem to think that your teenage companions are somehow equivalent to the marriages/relationships on here? That is amusing, Lina.

Are you going to be one of those bloggers who finds offense with everything I say, Lina?

It's incredibly patronizing! But, in all seriousness, I'm not ashamed of anything I've said, most of the women on here are already going through enough emotional trauma for them to laugh at my statements.

Or be offended by them.

Regarding the insult thing, I really wasn't insulting you. But if according to the editor, it was, I suppose we'll have to define "insult". From what I recall, I wrote about how Muslim men are often referred to as controlling & patronizing, while sometimes you advise people in a way that might be seen as the former.

I tell it like it is. Always have. If you want to call that patronizing, so be it, but in your last post, you were practically begging for me to say "there, there, Lina....it will all be okay."

.. If you think I'm an immature teenager who insults others on sites such as Myspace, so be it, but you would be misinformed either way. I've seen first-hand the results of online insults, and the effects that they have on people, and they aren't pretty.

So, then, if what you have in your social life is so great, why are you on here so much?

Also, I might like to add that you have insulted me by saying that, but according to the editor that's fine. Either way, you're entitled to your opinion and if you hold such a view of me there's nothing I can do to alter it.

Let me guess: Anytime I disagree with you or point something out that just may make you a little wiser (it's called constructive criticism) it's an insult, right?

Just one question about that: been on youtube lately, Lina? Used to hear that garbage of an excuse all the time. People on there want to roll up their sleeve and do battle and show everyone else how they are right and how the others are wrong, but when they are hard put to it, they get all squeamish and start calling names or play the victim as you are doing right now by criticizing the editor.

Have you not read the note:

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened for relevance, substance, and tone, and in some cases edited, before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome, but comments are rejected if scurrilous, off-topic, vulgar, ad hominem, or otherwise viewed as inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the

Only I know the truth about myself.

Holding back, are we? That's a not a good sign in conversation like this. For some time now the relationship defenders on here had been doing this. They read what I say, Lina, but keep it all bottled up inside until someone comes along and posts something like LUIGI! in the subject line, THEN and only then (for the most part) do they talk to me.

I also may ask, Luigi, who have I criticized on this blog? Besides you, of course (which was in moderation).

See, that's the problem. If you and other posters have issues about "hate" and what-not getting posted, take it up with them. Just do not expect a warm, fuzzy response. People on here have been hurt enormously.

Yes, Luigi, as you can see, on this blog I've been threatening the well-being of everyone from George Bush to Hosni Mubarak... Luigi, you do have a tendancy to over-exaggerate things, which causes more harm than good in my opinion.

What I told you about my experiences about that happened. Take it at that or leave it, Lina. And quit playing the victim because I know I did accuse you of anything of the sort. Personally, I would not even joke around about that.

I do not think you understand how serious some of this stuff is---largely from lack of experience.

I'm also rather offended myself that you claim that I have the potential to offend some of the women on here.

If you think for a single second that some high school or college freshman romantic relationship is comparable to a mature, adult marriage, then yes, were I one of these women I would be insulted, and it is perhaps a big reason why you do not get much attention on here!

Lina, I am going to try explaining this to you for a second time: You can come on here and tell me how you think 17, 18 and 19 yo are more mature than people in their 30 and 40s, but do no not compare their relationships to ours. I know how it works with teenagers, the last girls I dated were 18 and 19. You break up one day and it's the most dramatic thing ever, in some cases like the end of the universe is upon us, and then the next you are back together again.

Some of the women on this site have kids older than you are and have invested not months or weeks but decades in their relationship.

When you marry someone, Lina, you have not only a partner but also a contract with the state. I do not remember the last when the US embassy was contacted to represent an estranged high schooler whose partner decided it was time for greener pastures.

If anything, you have offended the women most on here, not me.

Most people just do not like what I have to say. The truth is often unpleaseant and down-right mean.

Can you provide me evidence of this, or are you going to speak directly for them without support?

If they do not like a 27-year old discussing these matters, why, I dare not think how they would feel about an 18 yo doing so....

Never once have I told someone to give up on a relationship, or that there's no future with their man (though it could be true). The most I do is offer some neutral, unbiased support.

You see, that's the problem. You write all this stuff about on-line relationships, but you just glorifed Lisa's based on her myspace pics. Pictures on myspace can be faked so easily. I had two co-workers who had their photos stolen, and one had hers used for cybersex.

You have, on the other hand, and, as a woman, I know what is hurtful to hear and so far you've pushed all the wrong buttons.

I've never said that what I have to say would be pleasent, Lina. Quite the opposite, in fact, and I make that pretty clear on here.

I'm definitely not disagreeing with your straightforward way of advice, & you're an extremely intelligent man, but like I said before, playing King of the Castle is ridiculous, because really you know no more than me about these women's personal lives and vice versa.

I disagree; I know more because I have 9 more years at least that you do under your belt and because I have studied and analyzed on-line communication and persuasive speaking.

Despite your accusations, I also know how to talk to people and I recognize what they are telling me beyond their words. If I did not, I doubt I would have come so far with so many, even with those who disagree.

That is what romance is, Lina, it's all about persuasive speaking. There's nothing wondrous or mysterious about the internet in this way, either. It's another media.

I have experience with this personally and to some degree in a professional sense to know what is going on. I do not have to know what their man's favorite colour is to determine if he's just a fake or not.

For starters, simply showing up on here and trying to convince me what you have is real by defending your relatiionship or distoring what I say is not a good sign. This site is pretty popular, but no one just stumbles on here.

I've written numerous times about key red flag warning signs that are pretty much based on common sense and careful readers can pluck these out. Your vision will be blinded if you are too angry or passionate.

The best we can do is advise.

Whats this "we"nonsense? ^_^ You've only really talked to me and Isis. I'm not in an on-line relationship with someone from another country or someone I met once on holiday or a business trip.

And I'm definitely not arguing about the older-woman-younger-man scenario that is commonplace in Visa scams. To tell you the truth, when I was in Egypt, an Egyptian man told me the following: "I don't go out with younger women like you, because old women have more money". I was gobsmacked to say in the least, and I'm sure he could see the look of disgust on my face. I didn't know whether to applaud his honesty or curse his actions. To me, that makes a man no different to a prostitute. And I saw it several times, older women (and men) pampering young bazar boys, while they're mocked behind their back. Yes, this behaviour is very common in the Middle East, I'll say that, but my point was that not all relationships involving older women are doomed to fail, and I find them much healthier than the older-man-younger-woman partnership. But that's just a personal opinion.-----

Then why on Earth do you approve of Lisa's relationship? If you believe all of what you just wrote, how can you? What are you looking to accomplish on here, Lina?

That's the thing. The common excuse on here now is "its the man's culture to date older women". HA! Goes against basic human biology, for one.

Its really considerate of you to make that assertation, Lina, and as a guy myself who gets attention from older women from time to time, it's not really about real love, even on their part. Some of them are just looking for a father-figure for their kids, others want sex and miss the emotional connection. All of these feelings are certainly understandable, but those feelings and situations need to be recognized and dealt with constructively. Its no coincidence that the situation you described is repeated over and over again on here.

A lot of men do act like prostitutes, and that is a most unfortunate double standard in the world today, so I can understand the frustration that women have when they see the acceptance of this or even why its such a big deal for an older woman and a younger man to be together when the opposite happens so much.

But the reality is, Lina, it is the world we live in, and those are the trends.

That said, I can see how these women might be attracted to younger ME men, as they are often very pushy and sell themselves almost as well as they sell their Bastet statues.

That's really the trouble with a lot of the "nice" guys. They are not pushy enough. In fact, many of them will just sit and sulk. If that is your attitude with dating, then don't even bother. I have observed that men can often project their moods onto women, and if they are mopey all the time, they do not stand a chance.

Well, it's true about 30+ persons living most of their lives as adults, but I also know younger people who are more skilled, knowledgable and streetsmart than them. Remember, some people don't even begin to question their existence until they reach their 40s - some never do, and I find that young people of today seem to be more sharper-witted than those several generations back.

I wrote some things about this above, but I disagree. We are training a generation of test-takers, not innovative thinkers.

That said, I doubt it has anything to do with the educational system improving, as I myself have learnt more out of school premises than in. Well all in all, young people shouldn't always be cast aside as "naive" or inexperienced, as rash judgement causes alienation and consequentially a lack of respect for elders/authority.

No, they should not, and I think that if you focus more on the internet and perspective from a young person, you'll get much farther on here. I too have been criticized for my age, but where I come in as the added value is that I have much more experience with on-line dating and I can relate because I am a man who has lived with Middle Eastern men before and I recognize the behavioral patterns of the both the men and women invovled.

Regarding internet regulations, yes that's definitely a concern, and I think that the huge scale of Internet scammers should be brought to light, exposed and researched, and that it's not really that different to repeated shoplifting. That it should basically result in severe punishment. This message should be put across not only in the West but in the countries of origin, ie. Nigeria. Scamming is not a petty crime, it's on the same plane as money laundering in my opinion, but carried out in such a scheming manner that it leaves the victim confused and emotionally scarred. It's not even a relationship, it's like being being kissed by a man while he digs into your back pocket.

Right. The Nigerian lotto scams, though, do not hold water against this. These are the most frequently reported on, but often times the scammer will turn tail and run. Not so with dating scammers. Whether you are dating a man or a woman, they are not afraid to take control and if necessary, will tell you that you are rude if you ask too many questions or even threaten to end the relationship, especially if you think you love that person.

The media LOVES to portray international relationship as good. I've seen one on TV regarding a Somali woman and American man, and in the interview she was trying to bring her family over here. I wonder if they are still together. Another one was a Palestinian man who met an American on myspace, boy, ABC made sure to have him on, if only to show how tolerant they are by catering to Palestine and Islam.

Makes me wonder how things are going now? Have not heard any follow-up stories. Wonder why that is.

The only time they did not was when an American man went to Brazil to met his on-line girlfriend and was killed over it.

Well there are two types of women who date interculturally, particularly on this board: there are the women who aren't looking for a relationship, but are approached by exotic men; and then there are those who are so sick of their own men that they actively seek out men of other races and cultures. To them it's fresh, it's different, and the new man seems to have traditional values & great looks that a girl could only dream about.

All the more reason why most of the relationships disucssed on here either are not real are in some kind of trouble.

That is an extremely harsh statement regarding sex slaves and dishwashers! Hahaha, well by education I think that some people just need to go through the Education of Life (which, from experience, isn't a subject touched upon in school) rather than learning algebra and the history of art. Anyway, the educational system is too PC for my liking, and they wonder why kids are shocked when they're released into the cold, hard world.

Interesting. I have observed that people do on-line dating because its easier. You can even throw pretty most long-distance relationships (LDRs) in that same boat, too. The trouble is, that LDR's take more work because of the communication gap.

Men use this to their advantage; they are much more confident when talking on-line or over the phone than in person. I'm pretty much the same way.

Unfortunately, some women seem to prefer men who will treat them like dirt - I know a lot of girls/women in relationships like that, but they will never listen either way. Whether it's the whole "Bad Boy" attraction, I don't know. I personally think it's due to deep-rooted psychological issues, sometimes even to do with paternal conflicts. Most of the women I knew had bad relationships with their fathers.

Such was the case with the last woman I dated, and that's why she found her, um, "solace" in myspace and other networking sites. Those are the types of friends and partners you can expect to find navigating the internet. She would rather be with a man who harassed her family, friends and coworkers and seems to wonder why many of our mutual friends do not support her decision. Then again, I've stopped talking to her, so, who knows?

Yes I'm definitely not shallow, to me it's one thing seeing an aesthetically-pleasing young man and thinking "hmmm' lol, but love is something else. Love is a unique feeling that only appears once in your life, you just know when you're spiritually unified with someone, corny as that sounds.

Not corny at all, but will you explain to us how Lisa's relationship is spiritually unified?

Actually, I quit interracting on other sites about a year ago, I matured a lot. I mean I'm on Facebook but only because I was practically forced on there lol. I myself think the internet can be a very negative influence on society, I've seen it affect people's behaviour for the worse and even cause breakups.

Well, most of the people I know on facebook and myspace just do not talk to people they do not know. It's an easy way to stay in touch with old friends. I'm not saying its not okay to be on there, but I would suggest not allowing it to control your life or distort reality. That's the problem. Another problem is those places are like magnets for scammers, child sex abusers, people with mental health issues and generally people with no social life for reasons we'd probably rather not know about.

Not exactly good prospects for a husband or wife.

Ok, well I admit that I'm not that well-informed regarding divorces, after all, I've never been married, thus I can only offer what I do know.

That's very mature and considerate, but you do not have to married or divorced to offer advice. This forum is not about past divorces, and I would gather that many if not all the women on here would rather not talk about that. It would be a major invasion of privacy and the details are not very relevant I suspect.

Me being an adult means nothing, I'll say that. I'm no more or less intelligent than I was when I was a few years ago, but I know more now than I did in a lot of ways - but that's down to experience, not age. So I guess it's about experience rather than age. You can be a clueless 40-year-old if you've lead a sheltered life.

But the 40 year old still has the biological development.

Lina, DO NOT say that being an adult means nothing! That is not wise, because things for you have just changed dramatically. You now have certain rights and responsibilites.

Merry Christmas Lina

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".