Reply to where to live.....Kate K.....??

Submitted by Pat (United Kingdom), Dec 28, 2008 at 10:08

Wait.....slow things down. In my experience (Muslim boyfriends and Muslim husband), the experience of being in a non-Muslim country is very hard for a Muslim who has no experience of anything other than Muslim culture. Being outside of a well defined set of parameteres presents problems which have never been thought about and, although things will seem so logical and straightforward to you, these same things can/will seem so not normal to a non-Muslim. No matter how well educated and open minded at present, from the safety of his own culture, everything can change when in a different environment. Imagine how you would feel within the confines of a culture you just don't understand, local dialiects of which you have no understanding, customs with which you are not familiar and expectations you can't match. This thought of being far from home is more than just a 'feet on the ground' concept.....it's embedded in a belief system and you do not have this connection. We westerners just don't. It's not like religion, church or anything we know...it's deeper. No matter how easy it seems to have resolved big issues in theory, in practice it's waaaaayyy different.

You love this man for who he is in his environment. You have no idea who he is in any other environment and that is immensely important. Until you have both spent time in each other's countries please do not marry. At the moment you are both still in a theoretical position. Encounter the reality before you c ommit to something as serious as marriage. Please bear in mind too that if you do go ahead and marry, you will be bound by the laws of the country in which you marry....should you decide to divorce. Been there, done it, got the T-shirt and am NOT talking from cynisism or bitterness. I love my Muslim husband very much however we live in different countries now.

Pat

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