Honesty

Submitted by a muslim woman (United States), Dec 31, 2008 at 20:32

I just want to tell you to be careful, not all muslim men are bad people. Some do have bad intentions, yes and others have good ones. Even the ones with best of intentions can not sometimes forsee the future problems with marrying a different culture and have set themselves and the other person up for failure.

Here are some questions I think you should really ask yourself before making such a life altering decision as to live in a foreign country in which you may have very little rights. Have you talked with his family at all? What kind of Job does he have? How old is he? Why has his family not gotten him married if he is an eligible bachelor? Who will pay for the expenses of you to move there? Has he talked to your family? There are so many many more. Did you check out the city in where he is from?

I know that you love him and maybe he loves you too. But please let me tell you a little about the culture and backround and although someone may want to leave there culture and backround behind it is not very easy because it is everything of who are.

Marriages are usually always arranged through families. Men of the family asking the men of the womans family for her hand in marriage, offering a "mahr" or dowry that is agreed upon. If he does not get his families permission to marry you, your marriage will never be seen as a valid marriage. You are not just marrying him but marrying his whole family. The woman becomes part of the mens family helping in household chores and daily living. Although he maybe as you say liberal, once married a lot of people fall back on their traditions of how they were raised, whether here or there that is just nature.

His family will have a big influence. Most men are pressured to have a son and truly want a son and maybe more children because everything is surrounded around family and the home. As far as the age difference although there are marriages that have worked that have age differences usually it is considered a contract of a trade off. Most eligible successful bachelors do not go outside of their culture to marry because they believe love comes after marriage, not before. Which in my opinion is true, because only after you have been married will you both really know each other and this is were love and respect will come in.

Please investigate the culture and religion more, much much more. Use all sources. If possible get your family or a close friend involved. This is your security. Even if you do not have family support try and get someone who is male involved to act on your behalf. As much as we would like to believe we can handle things on our own it is always a good thing to let others know that we have support. Also pray from your heart and ask for guidance.

Islam is a truly beautiful religion and many muslims are beautful people. There exist both good and bad within each and every culture and religion. To educate yourself to his world, religion and culture is truly to know him and to have a successful marriage.

May Allah protect you from all harm.

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