To Shadae and Farrah

Submitted by Lisa USA (United States), Jan 4, 2009 at 14:02

Shadae, Let me ask? You post to others on here and in some cases were there is no concern, their relationship is false lies but you are posting to Farrah her boyfrnd/man is just being protective because he is being secretive and she has not met any of his frnds? Why, with for example, me you attack me pretty hard and it seems I have a good solid relationship. He has NEVER lied to me seems have my best interest at heart and I have also met one sister and her husband from the Dad's first marriage and that wife of his dad and also my man's nieces/nephews from that set of family whom knows English very well from taking Brittish/English classes and might I add also living a comfortable wealthy life as a doctors family there.....no hidden agendas....they travel all over Europe,etc.

I have met from his mom/dad's side...the 17 yr old brother...the 21 year old unwed sister....and three older sisters who are all married or one divorced and several neices and nephews from this side.....not wealthy nor poor...This side lives a comfortable life with very nice expensive home with chandeliers and all, car and has some money even bought me and my kids gifts when I left and cried at me leaving for they took such a liking to me even more than the older brothers French wife who could communicate better with the family....

They saw i was a very caring lady and was in love with their son for who he is and what Islam means to this family and wanted nothing but the two of us to be happy. But I have been criticized by you harshly because I am too trusting of this loving Muslim family and man. Now you tell Farrah her relationship is different.."He is Protecting Her". I may have Farrah mixed up with someone else but i think also Farrah once posted her man had ran off and couldn't be found at one time for several weeks without notice. He had left the state which they lived....red flags in her relationship and now he is being too secretive and she has not met any frnds and little of the family and you say HE LOVES her and is being protective? I don't understand your logics telling her one thing and me another....but i guess you have your opinions no matter the reasoning. Only he and I know our relationship and how we want our lives to be lived. You Shadae do not know him or myself.

Anyway my Fiance doesn't like to blah blah as well about private stuff and was like this at first of our relationship but now he is VERY open and talks about private issues, concerns and only talks about his past if I ask him questions about it.....and he had no problem introducing me to his male friends younger than him and older in 50's with some being neighbors, card buddies, local celebrity soccer players and just plain townsfolk and policemen he was acquainted with and college friends he lived with for 4 years that hung out with us some nights. I might also add when I had plannned my first trip which was postponed for work related issues he had not mentioned my visit to his mom and dad or sisters and told me he would wait til two weeks before I were to arrive and only once I had purchased my plane ticket,lol.....He was just as concerned about me meeting his family...but he was taught from mom too that if you blah blah too much about good things in your life things can happen and it be taken away easily so she taught him to be secretive and protective to some degree of things he loves.....

This trip I took of course he told his mom and family right off I was coming and they were excited and welcomed me....He didn't mind cause they already knew of me.....As far as Family...His views are you don't take everyone you talk to or see or date or not serious with home to meet the family. With this said yes he was just as nervous because they had the same feeling of untrusting too with me being from the internet. They also met me on live cam to get a feel of who I am so I was not a total shock to them. He had only taken one other girl (his old college sweetheart of 4 yrs who left him to marry rich man at her mom's request) home to meet his family and they did not like her so he was nervous of course and valued his family's opinion of me.

Infact his mom cried and clung to me when I left coming home and he told me once in the car leaving, I knew my mom liked you, but I did not expect her to feel this strongly about you. I would also like to add that since I have been back from my trip meeting him and his family, he has admitted to me he wanted to see how he felt about me in THE REAL. Luigi sometimes points out we were engaged before our first meeting....but what he does not realize is we also both had talked about where we would like our relationship to head but we both had an openess that if we were not what we thought about one another over the year and the feelings were not REAl...we would not marry. In our case nothing was any different..we both were ourselves and lived as if we were married and what issues came up happened and we handled them. I also know this does not guarantee a successful marriage. I

am not naive as Shadae/others stated here. I was once married for 20 years so i know how marriage is and not everything is always Roses....all i know is this man believes strongly in his religion and admits Islam is who he is and i am thankful because his character reflects this in everyway. He is loving and said he would never divorce me...I would have to ask for the divorce and also agreed their would never be two wifes.

We only discussed this because the 74 yr old father does still have two wifes (lives in separate homes) with my Fiances mom being the second. From what I understand from his mom's words...her husband divorced first wife...he had kids by the first wife....and my Fiance's mom asked him to remarry the first wife for the kids sake from that marriage...It came from her own mouth not his. I also know that with having two split families they all have issues and jealousy among them like any families and he nor the sisters do not want more than one spouse or marriage....They feel the father had selfish ways to marry more than one even though Allahe does give permission in the Quaran. Since my visit. I know since my meeting the mom and the way we bonded, she has beat on his window knowing when he is home he is talking to me on cam/net and sometimes I have to tell him let her in to see me. He knows once he allows her to enter she will sit at his bed a long time and not want to leave so he is selfish to share his time with with the mom since most times due to my work schedule and the 6 hrs apart it is already very late there in Morocco......

Im not sure if this is Farrah's case only she knows her man and what context her chats and talks have been and what character he has and his values he may or may not have. I feel there should be enough trust that she does not have to impose this question as well on a blog but I assume she has doubts about him....she should tell him her feelings and discuss how she wants to be treated both as a spouse and as a person. Find out why he does not introduce her to family/friends...I don't buy the Protective thing. At first i thought the same thing but i also now realize he was just being careful himself.

Farrah, my Fiance is also a jealous man to some extent and has told me he does not even want a man looking at me with his own eyes but he also understands this is human nature and unavoidable... but with that said he also trusts me and knows i would not do anything to hurt him. I believe the same about him....Im converting to Islam and becoming a muslim when we marry. I think its a beautiful religion and I have always been open about religion and others views on religion and I believe having the same faith will also help our love/marriage stay strong. With this said I am also doing this from my heart not because his dad or him would rather me be Muslim. I agree both would love this more than anything even though I am an American They still want that assurance in faith. My Fiance told me like the Muslim lady poster on here...it needs to be from your heart not because you feel I want you to.

I do wish you and Shadae the best and all others on here and i do not expect all to agree with me and our relationship....Too many bad instances have made the good ones doubtful. All I know is he Trusts himself first and knows he wants to be a good man/Muslim and for us to be happy and have a happy life and we both think we can work hard at making this happen. So instead of tearing us a part just wish us the best like others have. You do not have to agree. In the end it is our choice.

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